Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Hoarders: Ben & Robin & Kevin & Dildos

Hey internet! How are you? I'm doing well. Sorry I'm a couple days late with the recap, but I can't let A&E dictate how I live my life! Unless they start paying me. Everyone was sending messages like, "Did you see the hoarder with all the dildos?" And sadly I haven't, but I think I'm about to! I hope I'm about to. 

Let's all keep in mind that hoarding is a mental disorder that affects 9 million people. Never forget. I need a breakdown about how many of these hoarders are American. I feel we, as a nation, are responsible for a good chunk of that 9 million.

Ben & Robin, West Virginia
Psychologist: Mark Pfeffer
Cleanup Crew and Psychological Support: Cory Chalmers!

Ben is not a hoarder and Robin is not a hoarder according to Ben. So they're fine! Robin's a hoarder due to not taking the time to sort things out.

Amanda calls her parents hoarding tag team. Bill is their son. He came home when they got sick and saw the hoard. He is cooking pasta in the bathroom. There is something so wrong about that image. I wouldn't eat bathroom pasta. I won't even drink bathroom water. Water needs to come from the kitchen sink only.

Robin is just lounging around, reading her magazine called "Good Old Days". The topic that month is "Dancing the Night Away" which appears to be about square dancing. Can you imagine telling someone you work for "Good Old Days" magazine?

Ted, their son, joined the Marines straight out of high school to escape the hoard. Ben & Robin insist the house was all fine for the kids. 5 years ago Ben had bypass surgery and the kids shoveled things out of the house and burnt it. There was a "feud" going on for awhile over it. Robin says there's been a feud over her daughter being a control freak. Says the control freak that won't let garbage be thrown away.

Mark Pfeffer calls Ben & Robin, a love affair. The love story of our time. I guess it's sweet how they make excuses for each other. No one is blaming the other person like they usually do. They truly have each other's back on this hoard.

Cleanup has started and Ben is "squirreling away" items in his car. I can't wait to see what all he collects!

The brothers are throwing dead mice to each other across the room. They're having fun with it!

Amanda confronting her dad about his dirty underwear on the floor is making me really uncomfortable. Just throw them in the garage! Why bring them to everyone's attention and embarrass him?

Chalmers is pretty worried about the speed of the clean-up.

Robin & Ben have their bedroom door shut and want to keep everyone out. Do they have dildos and porn too!?

Amanda is offering to pay their rent to move into an apartment. Amanda calls her dad "Ben" so that's when you know a relationship isn't right.

Ted calls Amanda a "demon spawn of hell". Mark and Cory are going to mend this relationship. 
They've called a family meeting. The house is clean. Amanda needs to accept that they don't want to live in an apartment.

So, as you can guess, Ben & Robin still live in their home. They declined therapy, but use aftercare funds to have someone come clean their house once a week.

We never got to see what Ben was squirreling away in his car.

Kevin, Albuquerque, New Mexico
Psychologist: Suzanna Chabaud
Cleanup Crew and Psychological Support: Dorothy Breininger

Kevin is 54, he lives in a town home purchased in the mid-80's and lives his life as a single, successful guy!

The camera crew just HAD to give us a close-up shot on those feet. I don't blame them. Good for them, bad for my brain.

Debbie and Janelle are Kevin's sisters. Janelle says his house smells worse than a gas station bathroom. The standard barometer for all things filthy.

Kevin, the single and successful guy, has an incontinence problem and keeps a hoard of Depends next to his chair.

Joan is Kevin's mother. The last time she was in his house it was neat and clean. Now she aptly describes it as a trash dump/war zone.

He had just all sorts of health problems. Kev's been living in a hotel for a month so the home health workers don't see his house and condemn it.

Dorothy is here so you know she's going to handle business! Oh here it comes! Here comes the dildos...something he doesn't want to show the public. IT HAS TO BE THE DILDOS! He's making Dorothy hide whatever it is in the car.

Kevin's in a panic about his family being in his house cleaning the hoard. Oh they've spotted it. Pretty hardcore pornography and bibles. According to Dorothy it's a "massive porn collection". God this is wonderful! Could this be anymore wonderful?

Dorthy found a discovery no one was expecting. Is it the dildos!? Nope! Garter belts. Dorthy doesn't know if he collects or wears it. And why would she know that? There are also wigs. I hope they can get this cleaned up and display his wigs on mannequin heads so he can style them.

IT'S THE DILDOS!! "Oh my god!" Everyone says. "This is S&M stuff!" exclaims Dorothy. Here we go! He's got a mask! And now the sisters are breaking down in tears over it? I mean...I'd say compared to the garbage bag of dirty diapers this isn't really a big deal is it? It's just his thing! Their brother's sex life is none of their business. He didn't even want them to clean the house! He wanted it to just be the crew. Lay off!

"There's more to the porn." That's how Dorothy describes it. NUMEROUS DILDOS! You guys, there's a trash bag of diapers downstairs.  That's the problem. The dildos and stuff are funny, but nothing to cry about.

They got it all so clean and nice1 Kevin loves it!! He called his sister angels.

He's doing aftercare therapy and he's doing good!


Anonymous said...

whoa....I say let the guy have his wigs and what not and clean up those turdy diapers girls. That sister was a real snit, but I did enjoy the episode anyway!

sonsatlanta said...

are you going to review any more Hoarder episodes my friend?

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