Monday, January 28, 2013

Hoarders: Diana and Dolores

This episode of Hoarders was brought to you by the letter "D".

I'm currently hoarding something! I'm hoarding weird mail order catalogs. I bought something from Sky Mall (Yeah. I know.) and they sold my name to a list. Some list of people that make bad purchasing decisions. Well I tell ya, the catalogs are fascinating. I find it hard to throw them out. I like to show off my catalog collection. I get more and more all the time. Today I got one called "Creative Irish Gifts Volume 2." I'll surely save this until the end of time.

Diana is lost in her own world in Snyder, OK.
She finds the hoard comforting. There is poop just absolutely everywhere. Name a place in the house. Got it There's poop there.

Her daughter's name is Reba and I could not be more thrilled about that! Her son is named Andrew. Not as excited about that one.

Diana just did one of the most bad ass thing you can see someone do after eating out of a strophom to-go container. Just dropped her garbage straight on the floor! Hoarder version of dropping the mic.

Diana's hoarding is from a traumatic childhood. She lived in constant fear of her abusive father.

She married an abusive man. He even had the face of an abusive man, very cavemanish. He held a gun to the family and threatened to kill them if Diana left. Diana left. Diana is a bad ass for sure, if the dropping the garbage hadn't already convinced you of that.

They were constantly afraid after they left. Then they saw a story on the news, a man was burnt in a building. That was him. He was dead. "He will never get to see me again." was Reba's reaction. That would be weird to see your Dad that you're scared of on the news dead. Both relieving and sad.

Diana fell into a depression and hoarding. The abuse wore her down. When Andrew graduated college he left, he felt bad but he left. Reba was left. From her sophmore year to the senior year she had to sleep on a recliner because her room was so hoarded out. She moved out after she graduated high school. Diana's hoard got worse. Now back surgeries and cancer and more back surgeries.

Dr. Melva Green is in her boots, which are both fashionable and smart. She was probably told ahead of time about all the poop. Well just because she's walking in crap doesn't mean she can't look good.

Matt Paxton! He declares himself an extreme cleaning specialist, Scott replies to the TV,  "God damn right."

Dr. Green is going to get this family speaking, not only speaking, but speaking truth. You know she will get them speaking truth! Of course she will. She's called the family aside...we're about to witness magic. Reba is telling her mother what it was like growing up in the house. Everything emotion Diana felt, she felt it too. It was just as hard on her. She felt empty, lonely, embarrassed, alone, secretive and dishonest. She had to lie about who they are so people didn't find out everything about them. Reba never feels good about herself ever. She can't look at the hoard and feel good about herself knowing that is where she came from. Oh Reba. :( Dr. Green will help. You and your mom both seem like pretty alright ladies to me. Oh man. Dr. Green. Reba told her mom all of that and Dr. Green is in there telling Diana it was a gift of truth so everyone is just happy to get a present.

And after that chat, Reba found her voice. DR. GREEN IS MADE OF MAGIC! This is just what she does.

Andrew had to work so he couldn't arrive until night. Matt is still there, like a champ. Andrew wants Matt to throw out the entire room. Get rid of the stuff and Andrew's plan is to repress the feelings. Dr. Green is there. This repression will not stand, man. And now he's spilling it. He didn't even realize he was spilling it, but he's spilling all of it because Dr. Green is standing in the room and when she's near you all of your feelings just pour out. And they find out, the hoard isn't empty nest syndrome.
Andrew just gave Diana another gift of truth. Dr. Lashes strikes again!

Diana apologizes and takes accountability. She's more determined than ever to clean up.  Diana is cleaning up without back pain. She is in it to win it.

Matt and his crew removed 6 tons of garbage and now they are fancying the place up. Matt and his crew made her impossible dreams come true. She plans on redeeming herself and being the mom she always wishes she was. You know what though, she got them out of that bad situation and she's getting out of another. She's tough.

Dolores lives in New York. 

Dolores is a fan of the unusual and an artist. It seems to me that the #1 profession of hoarders is artist. I need to really keep an eye on myself with this catalog hoard.

Her son is named Joaquin. So she's interesting. A person that names their kid Joaquin isn't boring.

"Gobs and Gobs of Free Stuff" The hoarder's life guide she has on her bookshelf.

Dolores picks up a lot of stuff to sell. She is on a constant treasure hunt.

I'm not gonna lie, Dolores has some pretty cool stuff.

Anna is her daughter. They grew up in an apartment in New York and Dolores would make them get up early to set up shop at the flea market. Dolores and her apartment hoard got so bad she had to buy a house so she's been filling that with treasure.

The jig was up for Dolores when the fire alarm went off and she wasn't home and the fire fighters broke in and couldn't get out.

Dr. Scott Hannah is here. Matt Paxton says:
Scott Hannon is the MAN. Love working with that guy.
Flea market dealers are all hoarders! This is a hot tip from Dolores. Get on it, A&E. Hit up the flea market scene, explore these people and their lives. "Flea Market Flip Out" I just named it for you. It's about flea marketers and their garbage treasures. This will incite SO MUCH HOARDING and this show will go on forever. 

Dolores is not some freaking idiot. She tell us. Well no one was calling you one, Dolores! 

Darnita Payden is a life management specialist. Matt Paxton is currently jealous he didn't get to work on this hoard.

Dolores is going to send Scott around the neighborhood because a lot of people use their porches for storage. If he's going to try to regulate her porch he better go after the whole neighborhood. Dolores reminds me of Larry David.

I'm a fan of Dolores. She has something hilarious to say in response to everything. Can her and Matt host this new show Flea Market Flip Out?

Dolores One-Liner Hoard
"I don't have to be like anybody else I can just be like me. Okay? Thank you."
 "I can't do 50 years in 2 days."
"No I don't want to tell you what the judgment is."
"Who the hell are you to worry about my thought process. You're not going to figure out my thought process." 
"I'm not accountable to my children. It's my time to do what I want."
"I'm gonna punch you right away if you don't get out of my face."
"You don't know what I like. He doesn't know what I like."
"I don't decorate. I accumulate." 
"I have a right to be irritated."
"I guess I'm entitled to have a nice house.
Dolores house looks great. How you can actually see all the cool stuff she has. She likes the decorator even though she cursed him out. She feels motivated to purge. Darnita got a kiss, Scott got a kiss. Her grandkids are over and they just love it.

She's postposned working with a therapist. Joaquin is coordinating structural repairs on the house.


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Anonymous said...

I've been reading these for an hour. I love them!!! Keep up the awesome work! You've got a great sense of humor.

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