Monday, October 15, 2012

Hoarders: Millie and Joni

This weeks episode is the one that made Matt Paxton want to quit. I am guessing he was talking about this on his podcast 5 Decisions Away. Well he didn't quit and now this episode can just be known as the almost final straw. Old lady with a black eye?! Guessing that probably has something to do with it.

Joni from Connecticut
She's a retired school teacher and she's not entering the episode with a black eye. I really don't want to see an old lady get punched in the face. Poop jugs? Yes, I want to see that. I want to see a yard full of that. I do not want to see an old lady beat down.

Right off the bat Joni is telling us that everyone has an addiction. She likes costume jewelery, clothes magazines and all sorts of stuff. Her sons like drugs.

Her granddaughter seems like someone I'd like to be friends with. She was taken from Joni while her dad was in prison.
Joey is Joni's oldest son. He's wearing a wife-beater. BAD SIGN.
He was much cooler in his cape wearing days.
Sal is Joni's boyfriend. Yep she has a boyfriend, he has chosen to appear on television shirtless. Joni is crowding Sal out of his space by filling it with treasures.

Joni lost her mother and lost her husband (In a divorce. As far as I know he's still alive). She decided she wasn't good at hanging onto people, so she started hanging onto things. SUCCESS!

Joey turned to drugs to deal with hoarding and that led him to crime and evetually prison. And that was just the excuse Joni was looking for to get deeper into the hoard!

Matt is here to be driven to the brink. He's spending the night because...obviously.
"I can barely see you I'm going to turn on the night vision" Matt Paxton trying to make it like this all isn't just some WEIRD THING that A&E is doing now! Yeah, you can see better with night vision. Everyone knows how great that works! Put those on and spend the night. This is what A&E has decided is the best accompaniment to their new death metal soundtrack. So we just need to deal with that and then watch an old lady get punched. WHY AREN'T PEOPLE HOARDING 9/11 ANYMORE!? Those were the good ol' days. I'm hoarding memories of the good times. Clinging to the past. We're here now and god dammit we're wearing night vision.

Joni gives the kids money for drugs because she's ashamed of the hoard. "She's paying mental debt with money." That's Matt Paxton's diagnosis. Now he's dangerously climbing the hoard because A&E thinks we aren't satisfied unless Matt is in danger. There are heroin needles loose in the house, A&E has Matt crawling around in night vision. The camera crew has lights, do they not!?

Joni and her youngest son Frankie are late for clean-up day. I'm guessing they are out picking up drugs for Frankie. Joey says he's going to take care of it.

The crew is wearing pink gas masks. For Breast Cancer Awareness month? This isn't the place.

Joey isn't nice. He's not being nice to his mom, he's not being nice to Paxton, he's not being nice to Dr. Chabaud. He's breaking hoard and going wild. And every minute I'm scared it's the moment he's going to punch his mom.

This episode's theme is children that had to become parents and had their lives ruined.

Joey is going to smash Frankie's car if he doesn't come help clean. Meanwhile Joni is enjoying a wrap.

Whew! Joni didn't get punched. She tripped on a stake. And while their mother was on the ground bleeding Joey and Frankie stood around shouting at each other. Matt says he hasn't seen a family this dysfunctional in his life.

With Joni gone Matt is the target of Joey's anger. He's really upset that the crew tried to throw away his scrapbook filled with, what looks like, Garbage Pail Kids. Update! They are labels. Here's a page of firework labels. An obvious treasure.

"They raped the other room." Joey to Matt. "They didn't rape the other room. They threw some shit away." Matt to Joey.

Now Matt's crew is getting yelled at. This is so scary. This is why I thought I was going to see an old lady get punched, look at that guy!

Matt and the crew had to leave. They received several disturbing calls from Joey.

Dr. Chabaud is at Sal's apartment to talk things over with Joni. It would cost too much to fix the home and no one can deal with Joey. Dr. Chabaud is offering aftercare to clean-up Sal's place.

Joni is still living there. I hope she's enjoying wraps, pulled pork sandwiches and an acceptable amount of costume jewelry.

Matt Paxton's One-Liner Hoard
"She's doing hardcore hoarding. She's not smoking weed, man. She's doing heroin."
"All soaked in urine. Smells like cats, but she has no cats. So it's possums or raccoons."
"Their normal is insane."

Millie from Michigan
Her addiction, without a shadow of a doubt (a shadow of her doubt), is flowers and plants. They are the main thing she has that makes her happy. She thinks if the house is pretty on the outside no one will know what's on teh inside.

Jessica is Millie's oldest daughter and looks like Ms. Universe. Her youngest daughter is 17 and she was removed from the house at an early age by CPS. (She looks like Ms. Teen America) She has been in and out of the house for quite some time due to her mom's hoarding.

Millie would like her kids there, as she puts it, "in my face".  How sweet?

Millie had to take care of her brothers and sisters when she was young. The hoard is her rebellion. She should be drinking wine coolers instead! That's the cool way to rebel.

Jessica grew up feeling guilty and sorry for her mom, now that she's grown up she's mad. As she should be. She has every right.

Millie feels she has collections and really cool stuff.

Michael Tompkins is here whom Scott describes as "a failed Mitt Romney prototype".

If a fire broke out Millie isn't sure if she'd want to get out of the house.

This is what my cat thinks of this episode so far. Not interested.

Dorothy is here to bring my cat out of her slumber. Liven this episode up a bit.

The family is pretending there is no problem and they are all laughing and having good times. Dorothy knows it's all an act and shortly thereafter all hell breaks loose.

And for whatever reason Michael Tompkins thinks that the clean-up crew is being disrespectful of her things. Listen, Michael. When you're working in a hoard some things are going to break. The crew does not need a lecture about this.

Millie believes she has some hoarding tendancies, but she's not a full blown. Why? No dead animals! She's in good shape.

"I feel like this matches my living room. I don't love it or hate it." Millie about a piece of wall art that had to be blurred out because it was too ashamed of appearing on Hoarders.

"Did I happen to mention, nothing left the property today?" Dorothy, pissed. I'm pissed that she's stuck with Beta Mitt!

Millie's last goal on her list of goals was getting Chelsea's room ready to move back in. Dorothy is calling Millie out on being an asshole. God bless, Dorothy! I love her.

Millie has plans for rocks. Not just any rock, but that specific rock.

And Dorothy has a break through. Because we all know Beta Mitt can't cause a break through.

Somehow Dorothy and her crew did caused a breakthrough AND got the house clean.

And now Millie is hugging her kids and told them she misses them.

Dr. Tompkins called everyone outside and he brought out that god damn rock and RUINED everything! Jesus Christ. Way to go, Beta Mitt.

Millie is working with an aftercare therapist. Chelsea has not moved back home yet. Dorothy continues being awesome. Beta Mitt continues to taunt people with rocks.

5 comments:

Random Visitor said...

"Matt says he hasn't seen a family this dysfunctional in his life. "

This is the man who worked with Hannah the trashy chicken hoarder and her ten surviving children. Joni and her two failures are apparently even worse than that hot mess.

I get her son's frustration, but goddamn what an asshole. I feel worse for Joni than I do for her kids, frankly. I also vainly hoped that this would become some kind of grand Hoarders/Intervention crossover, but alas.

Millie and that damn rock, oh my god. That was almost as ridiculous as that one lady and her armoires. A rock is more important than your kid, lady? Really?

Your cat is adorable. :3

Reverend Awesome said...

Yeah he was too much of an asshole for me to care about his frustration with Joni and Frankie. And that's how he's presenting himself to an audience! Can you imagine how he behaves when there aren't any cameras around?

I think that Dorothy should have been the one to confront Millie with the rock. Dorothy could have gently, but firmly let Millie know that she was being ridiculous. Beta Mitt blew it!

My cat uses her adorableness to get away with things! This morning I woke up to her vomiting on the dresser.

DanicaWP said...

OMG...Joni's fucking son. I get the anger, I guess, but the super pissed off guy seemed like he fell off the sobriety wagon, and was hurting for another fix. She needs to cut off contact with both of those boys. I don't think they would really care. I'm scared for Joni.

And I know that it was ridiculous to pick the rock over the kid, but what was the big deal about throwing a little stone out? Everyone was hyper-focused on this one little thing when there was a much bigger picture to think about. And why would you put a rock in the trash? They're all over the ground...odd.

Once again, great recap!!!

Reverend Awesome said...

Thank you!

Yeah, it seemed like everyone had kind of moved on from the rock. There were hugs and happiness, an extreme home makeover...and then all the sudden Dr. Tompkins is pulling it out of his pocket and ruining everything! FORGET THE ROCK! Why couldn't she keep the rock in her yard or something? Keep it with all the other rocks the Earth is hoarding.

Anonymous said...

If you were to ask me which episode had the most messed-up people, it would be a toss-up between this one, the redneck farm animal lady, or the old woman whose bathroom was overflowing with used Depends. That poor woman's son was totally out of control, and I would bet anything that he was going through a MAJOR heroin withdrawl.

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