Monday, February 27, 2012

Hoarders: Verna and Joanne

Verna from Santa Cruz, California. Admitted hoarder. 
Crow is Verna's brother. Their family bought 8 houses to hoard up. Her parents taught her well?
"There's mouse feces and stinky stuff in her kitchen." Verna's daughter. It smells like something died in the kitchen because something died in the kitchen. Something like rats and mice, the usual.

Verna has been sleeping in the attic. She climbs up a ladder into a little hole she's cut in the ceiling like a horror movie.

The trees have faces! This is the house kids dare each other to walk past after school. Verna calls herself a wanna-be artist.

Verna "fell" into hoarding after a two and a half year prison sentence for cocaine dealing. A&E tells us she's replaced her crack addiction with 16 years of hoarding. I guess that's an improvement. Hoarding isn't worse than doing it? I just don't know anymore. Just don't hoard and don't do crack and you should be good.

I think I've seen enough close ups of hoarder toilets to last me a lifetime.

Mark Pfeeffffer is here. He wears transition lenses. I say this because it looks like he's wearing sunglasses indoors like he's Biggie's mom or something. Don't worry. He's not THAT guy.

And Cory Chalmers. It feels like it's been a long time since we've seen our man, Cory. Verna is on Cory's ass about stepping on things.

Verna has been looking for mustard for a month. Lucky for her she found a bottle of mustard covered in shit. It stays! How dare you try to take away her expired mustard. Shut up, Chalmers!

Cory WILL NOT be told to "shut up" more than 10 times.

Hey look, there's going to be a show called Duck Dynasty. We live in interesting times.  

Chalmers is being abused! This is terrible to watch. You know how you know this clean-up crew really cares? They don't just say "fuck it" and leave like the rest of us would surely do. 

Chalmers and Pfefferer are letting Rhonda know she can walk away. She has done all she can do. When she walks away no one can say she didn't try her best.
Verna is willing to lose her relationship with her daughter over 10 boxes of yarn. She flat out stated that.

Why are we on day 3 of Verna's house? Is this really going to happen. Oh she's not going to be there?At least no one will be telling Chalmers to "shut up". That will help.

They built her a room! Holy! They got the place clean. She seems underwhelmed by the overwhelming job the crew did. IN A DAY! How did they do that?! TV is magic.

Verna had a death in her family so her plans to work with an organizer and therapist has been delayed. I'm going to go ahead and say it's been delayed indefinitely. She's living in a convalescent home.

JoAnne, Streetsboro, OH. Retired autoworker, hoarder.
Is it my imagination or have we been to a house in Streetsboro before? I'll have to go back and look through my blog. Oh hell yes it was! #1 hoarding city! Way to go, guys.
Life happens in her chair. Eating, sleeping and relaxing. All that.
Her face is fuzzy. I think that happens as you get older. I worry about future facial fuzz.

Ed is her son. He's given his mom an ultimatum. If she doesn't clean the house, adult services is getting called. And he means it! 1...2...3...okay I'm calling adult services.

You know what? No. I don't need to see her dark pee in her toilet "bag". I will say this, at least she's throwing out her bags. She's got a system in place.

Ed brings his son Cayden over to his Mom's house and has her babysit. If he finds the place so terrible why is he bringing his kid there? Oh and he's sleeping in a dog bed on the floor. Cayden tries to clean up the house. He finds it disgusting. Poor Cayden. Get that boy some therapy, STAT. We are witnessing permanent damage.

THE DANISH INCIDENT. JoAnn didn't want to throw out a 14 year old danish. It was vintage. Give her a break.

Cayden is too heartbreaking to deal. He's 6 and he begs his grandma to clean.

I hope Dr. Zasio takes her for a facial waxing. Teach her she doesn't have to live with a fuzzy face.

As per usual, no running water.

I really don't know how, at this point, Dr. Robert Zasio is shocked that someone is crapping in a plastic bag. Come on! Even I'm used to it at this point.

The filth trifecta: "We've got spires. We've got feces. Dirt."-Rockin' Robin

A commercial for Poise pads. Brilliant.

Geraline is rightfully on Cayden's parents ass about bringing their son over to the hoard. Zasio is chatting with Cayden. Set him right, Robin. I love they gave him a Got Junk hat. That kid is a future member of the Hoarders crew.

Her daughter in law is saying, due to bad lighting, she didn't see all the hoard. So that, conveniently, makes it okay to bring her son over.

Melissa (the daughter in law) is being blamed for the hoard. Basically, Ed married his mother.
And this house looks amazing! She's got 3 portraits of Jesus on the wall. Cayden is PUMPED!

And Cayden is running through the halls adorably. Over and over. Happy music. Happy days! He loves his grandma sooo much. Awww.

JoAnne isn't just going to be a person that sits in a chair anymore. Geraline called her a dream client. She's working with an aftercare therapist, she has plumbing. 


Erin from Boston said...

episode highlight: cory chalmers not taking any shit from verna.

Anonymous said...

Omg! Your blog completes my Monday Hoarding extravaganza! Genius and so hilarious. You keep this coming!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe Zasio touched the toilet lid. Oh barf!!!

Reverend Awesome said...

@Erin from Boston I don't get how the hoarders can be so mean to someone that's there to help them! Chalmers was not having it!

@Anonymous 1
Thank you!

@Anonymous 2
Zasio always looks far too nice to be amongst the hoard. Way too nice for touching toilet lids!

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