Monday, February 20, 2012

Hoarders: Jan & Dee


Jan from Canyon, Texas. She's an artist. She spends her day making jewelry and playing on the internet. (Dun Dun DUNNNNNNN. Sound like you? Don't worry unless you're crapping atop a pile of your own crap.)

Jan's description of her kitchen: "It's just a mountain of cat crap. You have to step up to get up to get in because the cat crap is so high."

Jan's description of her bathroom. "There's a pile of human crap in my toilet. I pee in a bottle and I poop in that horrible pile of shit, but the light's off so I pretend I don't know what's going on."

Jan's always been messy, but when her father died in '92 and she went to counseling. Then her daughter's daddy was having an affair and getting married.
Then her mother had a stroke and died within 3 months.

Jan has her tongue pierced. KNOW THAT! She did it for sexual reasons. No, she didn't say that, but let's say that.

Pam is all prim and proper and she's Jan's sister.

Pam told Jan she was raising her daughter to be the smelly kid. Georgia (her daughter) felt the same. She feared being the smelly kid so she doused herself in perfume daily. 

Zasio has on her serial killer gloves. "Oh dear." is her reaction to poop palace. 

This feces wall is all about being abandoned.

Zasio is gagging over the poop tower that's been erected out of her toilet.  She's bracing the family. Oh this music is just amazing. Straight up horror music.

Now that everyone has seen the vomit-inducing toilet, the clean-up can begin.

Dorothy is about to lay down the law. Jan isn't doing anything. She's just sitting outside smoking. She's refusing to deal and accept responsibility.

Is that Jesus on Jan's hoodie?

The toilet has been removed. Breaking news. There was a cat behind the toilet and now we have a cliff hanger. DAMN YOU, A&E! It ran outside, lied down and died.

Dear god. No. At least it got one last breath of fresh air. That must have been all it was holding on for. R.I.P. Kitty.

Now shes' blaming the removal of the poop mountain on the cat's death. Thought maybe the fumes did it. Yes, the fumes did it. Your shit fumes that are everywhere.

What an artsy shot with the gnome in the snow.

More cats that no one knew were around appeared.

Mom blamed her daughter for the hoarding.She blamed the crew for letting her poop fumes waft. She's a blamer.

5 tons of stuff removed. Nothing is left in the house. It was bio-hazardly cleaned. Zasio and Dorothy have kinda killed it this episode. Way to go, ladies.

While You Were Out: Hoarders Edition. Dorothy is ON IT. Zasio is taking her to a spa.

HOLY SHIT, DOROTHY! The house is amazing. I don't know how that happened. This was a special ladies edition. I liked it. They gave her self esteem. Showed her she doesn't deserve to poop in the dark on top of a pile of poop.

Dee lives in New Mexico and has a secret life. (Not crime fighting, hoarding.)
Not so secret, the fact that she's wearing a wig. 

Talia is Dee's daughter. She's about to graduate college and move out of the state. That's why this has to work out or Dee is way screwed.

Pam showers elsewhere? Let's guess where. I say truck stops. She also doesn't sleep in her bed. Let's guess where she sleeps. I say truck stops.

Dee got a $150,000 settlement after a botched eye surgery. Then she went bananas. B.A.N.A.N.A.S. She blew it in less than 3 years.

"It's definitely a lot more fun when you have money." Dee the hoarder

DR. GREEN! If you aren't already "like" her on facebook. She always has something inspirational and uplifting to say. Geralin is on the scene too. Is she on facebook? I'll check. Don't worry. She is!

Dee is mouthing off to Dr. Green and Geralin. I will not have this. The stuff she's stepping on and has been using as flooring, she's mad at them for stepping on it and using it as flooring.

The last day of clean-up and Dee is demanding armoires.

"You've already rehoarded what we just decluttered." Geralin. And she's not bringing in any armoires so forget it, Dee! Seriously, if I hear the word "armoir" one more time...slap some sense into her Dr. Green!

Her kitchen looks amazing and the bitch is bitching about curtains and armoires. Screw it, guys. This isn't working out.  

Dee is working with an aftercare specialist and therapist. She's still trying to make enough room for the armoires. Dee is probably way screwed.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

RIP kitty is right! Poop mountain was quite disturbing!

Anonymous said...

I think Dee had the original Ginger from Gilligan's Island wig. She failed to look hot in it.

Erin from Boston said...

A&E's recent addition of theatrical music and cliffhangers has really made watching Hoarders more exciting. It would be nice if the show could be enjoyed while eating a snack but mountains of feces and dead animals usually suppress any existing appetite. Hoarders = weight watchers!!

Random Visitor said...

SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR FUCKING ARMOIRES, DEE. JESUS H. CHRIST.

Dee is the first hoarder I've seen on the show who's actually vocally protested people stepping on the crap she's thrown on the floor. Were all the others just self-aware enough to realize that it was their own damn fault their stuff was being trod on and never spoke up about it? Who knows.

This is one of the things that baffles me about hoarders, really: getting all this stuff and then letting it get ruined. I had a friend in college that I suspect was a borderline hoarder - or maybe just "chronically disorganized" - because she would obtain shittons of stuff and just toss it wherever so that none of it could be used the way it was intended, because pieces would get lost, food or drinks would spill on and ruin them, parts of a set would be in separate locations, etc. I didn't understand that mindset then and I don't now.

Jan, wow, poor Jan and her poor, poor cats. That one kitty's health was so compromised by the conditions it lived in that it dropped dead from a brief spate of physical exertion and fresh air. Poor baby.

I think my mouth hung open for a full minute after seeing Poop Mountain for the first time. Wow. Just wow.

People like Jan who force themselves to live in squalor as punishment for imagined wrongs break my heart. I hope she finds some way of getting out of that mindset and learning to take care of herself like she truly deserves.

Reverend Awesome said...

I know. Jan made me so sad. I was crazy happy when Zasio took her to a spa! Zasio and Dorothy really knocked it out of the park with Jan. And Jan was funny! I mean, she was self-aware enough to refer to her poop pile as poop mountain. I hope that she keeps up with everything.

I was immediately annoyed with Dee with how nasty she was being about people walking on the floor. As if it is their fault the floor is covered in stuff. Where do you want them to walk? That's where you're walking, Dee. And then they got the kitchen looking so nice and she bitched about the curtains.

Anonymous said...

The sad reality today is that shortly after the show, code enforcement declared the house unfit to live in and Jan was evicted. The house stink was still so bad it had to be gutted and still stinks. Jan has moved to another location where she has a house full of cats again...

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