Monday, February 6, 2012

Hoarders: Fred & Mary, Barbara & Her Hat

I could do without the flash forwards. I like to let the meltdown take me by surprise. I don't need a preview. 

Barbara, California
2 days earlier she was biking around like the Wicked Witch of the West when she wasn't in Oz. 

Her friend Judy seems nice. Not like that "friend" last week. 
I love her denim jumper from her pre-hoarding pictures! I hope she finds it somewhere in the hoard. That's a keeper. That's a legit treasure. 

Robert is her son. He did tons of work on the yard. It's all gone to hoard. 

The city is onto her. The neighbors have been complaining. 

30 years ago tragedy struck. The oldest son and his friends were shooting jack rabbits. His friend accidently shot him in the back. He went through 200 pints of blood. Barbara visited him every day in the hospital and slowly watched him die. She wanted a fresh start so she moved. This triggered the need to hoard. 

Cory Chamlers and crew are moving too quickly. Babs is FREAKING OUT. (Cut to Mary and Fred. Don't leave us hanging, A&E!) 

Chamlers is playing the "water-logged golf balls" card. It's hard to reason with a woman in a bedazzled hat. 

Side note: Why is there a show about delivering stuff? I don't know how cakes can be a war and I don't know how shipping can be a war. Enough is enough. 

The freezer is crawling with maggots! Chamlers is using the maggots as a wake-up call for everyone. They need to force that woman out of her bedazzled hat and into making good decisions. 
Her son actually tried to take off her hat! He knows it's a HUGE part of the problem.

Barbara is hanging on by a thread, a tie-dyed thread. She won't let anyone touch anything. 

The city inspector has arrived. The maggot fridge is being rushed out the back door by Chamlers. And the officer vomits in his mouth. He held strong though, swallowed that vomit back down.
There's still a long ways to go. She's got an animal head mounted on the wall. I guess that means things are looking up?  

She's seeing an aftercare therapist. I hope they talk to her about that hat.

Fred & Mary, Missouri
Fred works for a contracting company and he admits he's probably a hoarder. He's collected things all his life. 

Bugs. Have you seen Infested!? 

"They claim if you see one there's a hundred hiding somewhere. So." #hoardershrug

Mary doesn't think she is a hoarder. She thinks she's a lousy housekeeper. 
Their son is living there. Poor little dude. Hang in there, Kev.

THEY'RE IN A HOTEL! We need to find out what hotel that is and warn everyone on Trip Advisor. 

Mary's hoarding kicked into high gear 4 years ago when her mom and brother died. She didn't care to clean anymore. 

Dr. Suzanne Chabaud asks Fred and Mary where their son is sleeping. He's sleeping on top of a garbage mound. They say he seems pretty happy. 

Cob webs and roaches as far as the eye can see. And now we see Kevin's bedroom that he can't use anymore. His mattress is all rotted out. Sweet, little Kev has convinced his parents he's happy. They're so far gone they believe he is. 

Mary has warned Fred that if he messes things up with Paxton and crew she's leaving him. So he better just let the Clutter Cleaners do their thing. 

Matt's hair is looking extra luxurious. There's an oxygen tank leaking. Will Paxton's hair be okay? Those things are super duper flammable. The tank was under where Kevin was sleeping. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, KEVIN!

All the sudden Fred thinks there were papers on the table he needed, some kind of black book. Now everyone has to go on a document hunt in the hoard. 

Mary has finally reached it, the brink. The black book expedition set her off. She wants to burn that place to the ground. Finally she's talking some sense. 

Once again, there's not a house anymore. They were living on a foundation of hoard. 

Our dear Kevin was so pumped to have a room. 

The assessors arrive and inspect the house. The news...there is still a lot of work to be done. They can't move in yet. They need a working kitchen, less filth. 

Matt Paxton One Liner Hoard
When I walk in this house it feels like a horror movie. (When they walked in A&E played horror music.)
This is like cotton candy. (describing a cob web)
You just get this lasagna of filth and worthless stuff. 
I don't get creeped out. I'm totally creeped out by this house. 
What is this? Medicine? Birthday cake?
Matt's podcast plug: 5 Decisions Away

Mary and Fred's aftercare included therapy, junk removal, fumigation and home sanitation. This is why it's worth it to go on TV. That would have never happened otherwise. Please be okay, Kevin! 
They are still living in the hotel. Again, don't ever stay in that hotel. 


Erin from Boston said...

the lasagna of filth is the best paxton one liner to date.

BSOB said...

holy shit.. does she have a roommate?

AmyB said...

I saw a comment on Facebook from Matt that like a day after this episode aired, his wife unknowingly made lasagna for dinner...

Jerry said...

Mary and Fred are Cardinals fans. Can you imagine how screwed up they'd be if they were Cubs fans?

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