Monday, July 11, 2011

Hoarders: Roy and Loretta


Monday so that means, Hoarders. What garbage will we go through tonight? Will there be the first poop of the season? The first dead cat? Have we only had a dead frog so far this season? Let's find out.

Roy–Electrical Engineer, many regard him as an inventor. I wonder if it's just him, or actually many.
Boulder Creek, CA He has over 60 vehicles on his property.

Things he invented: grid structure on whatever battery you have in your car, the main power supply for the voyager spacecraft, hooked up china with the Middle East for oil supply. He ended the God damned Cold War, so step off! What have you done? This man is a hero...and a hoarder. You see, anyone can be a hoarder. Hoarding knows no bounds.

Marlena is Roy's girlfriend. This is the man she chose in life. Wow. How?

Rex is Roy's son and Wolverine.

We have Zasio! Please God tell me that Matt Paxton is on this case. Is this a Zasio Paxton combo hoard? We can only hope.

He's trying to save energy and the entire planet with junk and cars. He has $20 million in fines? How is that even possible? How does the government ever think its going to get that money? Never in his lifetime. $12,000 a day. Yes, just write a check! Write out a check every single day for 12 grand. Hoarders are usually in a place in their life to do just that.  

Zasio is amazed to learn he's an inventor. This is why he invents (hoards)! To see that look of awe on other people's faces. 

Roy has a beard and a pony tail. So, there's that.

Cory Chamlers is the clean-up guy. Okay. Fine. It's not Paxton. I will deal with it, but if Paxton isn't part of the Loretta case I will be wrathful! 

Cory is having trouble getting Roy to find cars he's willing to crush. Now he's giving Zasio a hard time. Roy is going to lose it soon. Oh no. Roy found a can of food, outside in a car, with rust on top. He had trouble throwing it away. Were you going to eat that, Roy? You can't be an inventor and also eat garbage. 

He's just watching his cars be destroyed. How long is he going to be able to take that? 

Things Cory Chamlers has to tell Roy isn't worth saving: rat crap clothing and towels
Cory has convinced Roy to crush one of his own cars! Now he's having fun. Now he's motivated. Genius, Cory. Pure genius.

His load of crushed cars tipped over the semi/tow-truck that was pulling them away! Oh my god. Surprise! I certainly didn't see that coming. 

Roy is still working to get rid of cars. He has 3 years to clear his property and his fines will be dropped. 



Loretta, she's leading a double life as a hoarder. She lives this double life in Lenox, Michigan.

She's pregnant and has a 4 year old. She could lose them if she doesn't clean up. Somehow the hoarding hasn't effected their sex life. Good for them?


Christian is Loretta's niece. She tells us that when they were living in Detroit someone broke into their home, her childhood home and robbed them at gun point. Loretta visits the house for some reason. She's breaking down in front of it. I don't know if they do this often as a family, but it's a bummer.

I can see Loretta getting along just fine in life outside the hoard. She seems like a with-it and together lady. Her double leading life would fool me.


Michaela, her daughter, is a cutie. Oh my gosh. All she wants in life is a bed. How could you do this to such an adorable kid? Not that it's okay to hoard if your kid is not as adorable. I don't know where I was going there. All I know is, Michaela is cute.

Loretta isn't sweet anymore. SEE! She tricked me. I was fooled again. I thought she was mild mannered. She flips the switch when it comes to her junk. Oh and then she has contractions and nearly goes into labor. She does all of this when anyone talks about throwing away her hoard.


It's Dorothy Breninger for our hoarding expert. She's a little ray of sunshine and she is not taking any of Loretta's crap! She isn't scared of her or her nasty looks.

Loretta is saying "keep" to everything. It's so annoying. Her sister and niece are so over her BS. I love the look on her niece's face! This says how we all feel.
Her husband is such a wimp. He just stands around sheepishly. He wants other people to say the things he needs to say to Loretta. Her sister and niece left.

Dorothy said Mike takes a "passive stance" with Loretta, that is code for "he's a wimp." Just say it! Bring Loretta's niece back in. She'll say it for you.

We are told that Loretta had a healthy baby. She accepted aftercare therapy and organizing assistance.

And where the hell was Paxatron?!

7 comments:

Christen said...

There ain't no thinking about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ouch.

Erin from Boston said...

I miss Paxton too but Dorothy might be my new hero. She was taking no shit from Loretta. (who kinda reminded me of diana ross in the wiz)

I didn't understand going back to that house and reliving the drama. Not sure how her 4 year old slept through all the wailing she did in the car either.

I felt a little bad for Roy when they were just smashing his cars and rolling them around like toys. why couldn't they just tow them away one by one? gotta make the old man suffer through wrecking each one? He did look like he enjoyed crushing the car himself though.

Hoarding: Buried Alive premiered on TLC Sunday night. the first episode took us on a first class ride to crazy town! it was awesome if anyone watched. "i'm going in my car to scream it out."

Reverend Awesome said...

Dorothy was not having her shenanigans! I loved it. She's got the magic hoarder touch like Paxton. Did you see Matt Paxton say on facebook that next week hoarder is his favorite hoarder? "This Randyland episode is the most amazing thing I've ever worked on. the guy is brilliant and sick at the same time. I love Randyland!"

I can't wait to visit Randyland!

I wonder how often Loretta goes to the house to have a breakdown. I feel like that wasn't the first time she's done that. She didn't look like she was doing it for closure. She just seemed like she was doing it for something awful to be doing. To make her sad.

Leslie said...

I watched this episode in sort of a wide eyed wonder. I get excited when there are black people on hoarders. I scream at my husband and on facebook "BLACK HOARDERS ALERT" I make him sit with me and watch the ratchetness (that is so not a word, and i don't even curr)

Reverend Awesome said...

Ratchetness is now officially a word we can all use to describe hoarders. I'll try to remember to get the word out on that next Monday!

I'm always shocked when there are black people on hoarders too. Because, well, white people just seem more disgusting to me. Is that racist? I don't know. I'm white. I know what we're capable of!

Leslie said...

I don't think it is that. I mean, we have some disgusting people in my fam, and about 80% of them are black. I think the thing is, well, a white family will not hesitate to put their family on tv for this mess. With a black family.. they will be all nice on camera, but when the people leave, and all that is left is the family that set you up...there is going to be some smoke in the city. I've seen people hold feuds over petty shit.. putting their family on hoarders? That would start world war three in my family.

Reverend Awesome said...

Okay, that's brilliant. You've just solved the mystery for me on the lack of black hoarders. White people aren't more disgusting! (Okay, that's not confirmed.) We're just more likely to turn to the television for help. "I told her to clean up, she didn't, so I called Matt Paxton. He can deal with her!"
This makes 100% sense to me. Thank you.

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