Monday, July 18, 2011

Hoarders: Randy and Vicki

You guys, Matt Paxton has PROMISED to be in this episode. I didn't watch it as it aired because I was at the Funny Bone watching some funny people be funny. I sat up front so that meant I had chosen to be a part of a pre-planned blow job joke complete with blow pop prop? Oh, how I sarcastically loved that! Another "couple" (They weren't really a couple. He asked, they said they weren't. He discussed them as a couple anyways so his "joke" would work out.) got pulled into a crying while having sex joke. Oh we all just had a ball!

Wildwood, New Jersey
This is Matt Paxton's favorite hoard! It's Randyland. I think it's safe to say Matt Paxton is Randyland Super Fan.
Randy is the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD'S foremost collector of amusement park memorabilia.  He also looks like Tim Burton. I can totally see Tim Burton being a hoarder.

Matt Paxton's "C" word is crazy, not See You Next Tuesday.

The answer to the problem of not being everywhere all the time, the problem that we all have. His solution to a common problem? He builds these dummies. Randy can be everywhere!

Scott Commentary: In his mind he's crazy if he doesn't make those dummies. He's that sure of himself. The problem that he has all these replicas of himself is secondary. It's secondary to the fact that he has TOO MANY replicas of himself.

Randy's amusement park memorabilia collecting was spurred on by a traumatic childhood. What can't we blame childhood on? I blame it for everything. Even little things. Forgot to get butter at the store? Blame it on childhood, a traumatic middle school margarine incident.

Randyland contains life size replicas of Randy! He's created "Randy mannequins, duplicates, Randy-wanna-be's" The other Scott in my life, my friend Scott, is super scared of marionettes. This commercial is his worst nightmare come to life to convince you to let them move your stuff for you. No, thank you. He's an avid Hoarders watcher...if there are marionettes he's going to be in for a painful viewing experience.

Well, Randy has buckets of his own hair. So, this has gone totally wacko. He says it's like cotton candy and pretends to eat it! "It melts in your mouth!" Is how he lovingly describes his hair buckets. Fine, Randy, charm us all into thinking hair buckets are acceptable.

Scott Commentary: This is like a crazy, bad Batman movie. He's going to create this entire army of duplicates of himself. He's rich for no reason. You don't find out why he's rich. How can he afford to buy all these dummies? That's just like a Batman movie.

How do hoarding experts do this in actual life? It's stressful just watching the mess.

Here's Matt Paxton! FINALLY! It's been forever. A&E has been skimping on the Paxton. Big time. It's been upsetting to say the lease.

Intelligence, Experience and Leverage. That's how Randy thinks he can move machines and has the strength of 10 men. 10 LUNCH EATING MEN! For reasons unknown Randy is totally disgusted that people would take a lunch break.

Our boy Matt is injured! He slammed his head between these huge metal doors. This isn't really a clean-up. This is setting up a Randyland arcade. He's back from the hospital with torn ligaments. Don't worry about Matt.

I'm going to hoard Matt Paxton one-liners here:
"This is the Mt. Rushmore of hoarding."
"It's pretty bad, Randy."
"He's a hoarder. He has a diseases. I'm fine that he has a disease. I'm here to help him, but don't treat me like a jerk."
"It's funny. I came here to manage a big move and the biggest lesson to me was 'get out of the way'"

Randyland opened. There weren't huge crowds, but that hasn't crushed Randy's spirit. Really, I don't think anything could crush Randy's spirit.

San Antonio, TX
Vicki is unemployed. She hasn't been using her free time to clean up and organize. She's a hoarder and she just doesn't know how to stop. I really believe she doesn't know how to stop herself. If the first step is admitting you have a problem then Vicki has completed her first steps in non-hoarding.

Vicki goes dumpster diving. Her son goes with her, but he doesn't like it. He is just being nice. They actually all seem pretty nice. Vicki's hoarding kicked in when her father died. Robin Zasio will come in and get things into working order. I have faith.

Cory Chamlers is taking on a Paxton-like role this season. I bet he read Matt's Book! I've read Matt's book. I downloaded it on my iPad so it wouldn't contribute to the hoarding of books. Actually, I've been collecting more books since I've gotten my iPad. It's just so easy! If I want a book I can just download it! Oh it's nice.

Her daughter Chastidy has a great style. She has a look she's put together for herself. I wish I could do that. I like it.

For anger management Vicki broke things. She just lost her marbles on everyone and stormed into the house. Paul, her husband is about to take control of the clean-up cuz he's sick and tired of Vicki and her BS! Oh he's been caught. He's in big trouble.

Vicki isn't nice to her family. Sorry about your Dad, but you have to be nice to your family! Even if your life gets super sad you have to be nice to your family. They are what is going to keep you from staying super sad.

Her sons room is still clean so I guess all is well!


Jyl said...

I almost lost my breakfast at the hair buckets.

Reverend Awesome said...

He was so thrilled with his own hair buckets!

Gary's third pottery blog said...


Anonymous said...

My favorite line: Paul, as he throws out a huge tub of books, "We don't need all these books. I don't even f-ckin' read!"

Todd said...

randy was my first boss!! this is amazing!!

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