Monday, June 6, 2011

Team White

I know, the title sounds racist, I assure you it is not. You see, I don't wear shorts in front of...most people. Obviously Scott has seen me in shorts. I think I met my g-child, My, downstairs in shorts once. Heath has probably seen me in shorts. My family has seen me in shorts. One time I did a fake marathon around campus in shorts. Never mind this list of people that have seen me in shorts. I guess it's quite considerable. 
Mostly I don't wear shorts to work or events where people will have to be in my presence for extended periods of time. These people didn't ask to be exposed to my white legs! They won't know how to deal with it. I could blind someone. Anything could happen and my white legs will be to blame and then how could I live with myself? Obviously I'd learn to live with myself, but it would be hard.

I started searching about the hardships of paleness and found this delightful blog. She seems pretty great, she's pale. She has even compiled a list of Pale Girls That Rule Her World.

Pales and Tans need to learn to coexist. If you want to be tan, be tan! Just let me be pale without ridicule! My skin doesn't get tan even when it is tan. I'm just so super white that tan doesn't look like a tan. I was destined for whiteness. I'm a lost cause on your tan crusade.

Now, I realize that most of this blog is me celebrating things that aren't worth celebrating for most people. Things like trying new foods and taking a swim in the ocean. I'm working through my neuroses and by reading this blog you've signed up for the ride. Sorry. Now what is this all about? I am going to wear shorts! I don't know when it's going to happen, but it's going to happen. It's getting pretty hot out.

Bob Jackson and Kelcey are my brothers in paleness. Me, My and Kelcey are trying to convince Bob to join in on Shorts Day. Shorts Day is a day where we all wear shorts. An act of pale solidarity and we overcome our shorts aversion. If I were Bob I would've already convinced Bob to wear shorts on Shorts Day by using my eye twinkles.

Someday, I will triumph. I will wear shorts to work and I will let all of you know about it. Until that day, stay strong my pale brethren.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I own two pairs of shorts, both of the pajama variety, never to be worn past my driveway. I'm just not shortsy. Why do the tan ones make me feel so ashamed?! I do get crazy and throw on capri pants if it's really hot.

Heather Reese said...

Dude.... pale IS the new tan.

miss.e.motional said...

I don't wear shorts but only because they don't look so great with my thighs. I'm pale, too. Except my friend Katie and I tell people that we're "porcelin", because it sounds daintier that way, and I've always wanted to be dainty.

Reverend Awesome said...

We have nothing to be ashamed of! We should wear shorts with pride. I'm not a shortsy person either. I know I'll look awkward in them, but everyone can just deal with it! (Including myself)

George and Maureen Johnson said...

I never really minded wearing shorts, but now that I am 60 it's the cellulite that is unattractive to me. I wear them around the house, drumming, and all the neighbors see me in them, but I feel they are kinda like family. They know me so I do wear them in those situations. At the store, no, don't want to scare children...lol :)

Gary's third pottery blog said...

my decisions about shorts are entirely related to how much BUGS LOVE ME AND MY LEGS, yuck! skeeeeeeters!!!!!!

kellyahern said...

I recently had poison ivy all around my ankles/calves/shins...that's a really good look on pale legs at a beach party full of tans.

Reverend Awesome said...

To hell with the judgmental tan ones! Next time I get some comment about being pale I'll tell them to get back to me in a couple years when their skin has prematurely aged and I'm looking fly.

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