Monday, June 27, 2011

Hoarders: Billy Bob and Jean


Welcome to the second week of the new season of Hoarders! I am sad to say this will be week 2 of being sans Paxton. Let's all take comfort in the fact that Zasio's been there. That's what has helped me through this trying time. Let's acquire and keep some Hoarder memories, shall we?

Billy Bob, Nebraska, retired creative director, selective collector
Of course he's a hoarder. You don't name a kid Billy Bob and expect his life to be all sunshine and rainbows. Something bad always happens to kids named Billy Bob.

June is Billy Bob's wife. She works and he shops on his rascal for bargains all day.

"I'm one of these kinda guys that I can't turn sideways cuz I'm the same size sideways as I am forward. I'm a big man that cuts a wide path." Billy Bob on Billy Bob
Billy Bob collects characters for his family members. Characters they never asked to be collected on their behalf.
BB thinks of himself as G.I. Joe
June/Wife: Minnie or Barbie
April/Daughter: Tweety Bird
Cory/Step-Son: Scooby Doo

BB's Grandma used to throw away all of his toys when he was little. Now he's trying to recapture his lost toys of yesteryear.

BB seems pretty great so far, hoarding aside. I'd like to be friends with this entire family actually.

June loves BB a lot. It's sweet and sad.

I AM SO HAPPY ZASIO IS ON THE BB CASE!! Billy Bob answered the door with a rubber nose on his face. Another charmer like Glen the rat man.

Zasio just said what didn't need to be said, BB's and June's intimacy is being effected by the hoard. So now we all have to imagine them doing it.

"I want to keep that. That's a talking mirror." Well how would anyone expect him to throw away a talking mirror? Unreasonable.

His wife sleeps up in an attic. I'm sad for June.

"Don't look at me in that tone." Billy Bob when he's angry. I'm uncomfortable seeing the angry side of BB. He was so sweet and now this...
"You know what? F*ck that fat mother f*cker!" Cory, not totally unwarranted.

Darnita is head of the clean-up crew and she's not taking any of his crap! She refuses to be bullied by BB.

Oh look! It's a miracle! Billy Bob can walk! Oh, you mean he was just using that rascal scooter cuz he's lazy? Dammit. I'm sure he got it for free. Apparently you can get a rascal scooter from the government if you don't feel like walking. It's in our constitution or something. USA!

He's demanded a meeting. He slept on it and he's demanded a meeting.
"This is not your show, it's the Billy Bob show and that's how it's going to be from now on." He told them to sweep the attic and move his stuff back into the "middle aisle".

Billy Bob has excused Cory (his step-son) and trying to excuse the clean-up crew. He's throwing a little baby fit because they're taking away his toys. Darnita doesn't give a rat's ass what he has to say.

"We want to make sure you can roll freely through the home." -Darnita to Billy Bob. She calls this their come to Jesus moment. I truly believe Jesus was involved.

Some lucky Salvation Army shopper could get their hands on a kid sized Weiner Mobile.
There's the bed...where the intimacy happens. Jean and BB are doing well. They've accepted aftercare funds and hosted a mother's day dinner. Wow.

Jean—Beverly Hills, California 
Sabrina is 8 years old, she's Jean's granddaughter and she's tired of this shit! Carina, Sabrina's mother, has severe depression so her parents are helping her raise Sabrina.

"She's just a hoarder. She loves to stack up lots of things."-Sabrina, the 8 year old genius granddaughter of a hoarder.
She doesn't pick up her room because why should she? I'm with her. What is the point!?

*Vacuum commercial. Good job, media buyer!

Jean had a liver transplant 10 years ago so she started living each day like it would be her last and she decided, to hell with taking out the trash! I've got a life to live!

"My antique rocks! I didn't even think about those!" Jean, talking some total BS.

Her sister gets frustrated and mad, but she does that thing people do when they smile smugly about being mad and talk really sweet. I don't care for that. It's fake. Give me Matt and his tough love and laughs.

Jean was drying out a Christmas tree in her granddaughter's room. She didn't realize that was a fire hazard.

Jean has a lot of unfinished crafts. Don't we all. Don't we? DON'T WE?! (I don't have this many, YET.)

Wow, the house looks really nice. Well done, everybody. There's a piano? Sabrina is playing at a piano. This was a happy ending.

Oh look an infographic about Hoarders. I got it HERE. (click to enlarge)

22 comments:

Gary's third pottery blog said...

Billy Bob is as big as a house and he thinks of himself as GI Joe......

Reverend Awesome said...

That's just one of the many things I liked about Billy Bob. He's fat and rides a rascal scooter, but associates himself with G.I. Joe.

Mike said...

I'm trying to hoard gold.

It's not working so well for me.

Reverend Awesome said...

For some people dead cats are just as valuable as gold.

Anonymous said...

what i wanna know is how is no one discussing how cute cory is. when e got all teary awwe

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