Saturday, June 18, 2011

Dirty Money STARRING Matt Paxton aka The Paxtonator

Matt Paxton and his tough love (he's like a white Judge Mathis) and hilarious quips have taken America by storm. As Matt Paxon's "bestie" I may be biased, but trust me, he's a gem. Imagine going into someone's house and their staircase is covered in their own feces. Could you stay and try to help? Could you stop yourself from barfing? Yeah, me either. That's why we're not Matt Paxton! He's a super man. STOMACH OF STEEL! Our Superman has totally taken off, he has a blog, he has a book, now he has his own spin off! The pilot is starting in....6 minutes! Let's help my bestie get his show picked up, shall we?

Oh and new Hoarders on Monday! I know what you're thinking, "If Matt's show gets picked up then we won't have any more Paxtonator on Hoarders and that would ruin my life." Don't worry! Matt wouldn't let anyone's life be ruined. He's not leaving Hoarders. Let's watch and discuss...

Matt Paxton! Owner of Clutter Cleaners!!! I'm so excited for my bestie. The premise of this show is, Matt Paxton will clean your house FOR FREE if he thinks he can sell enough of their crap to cover his costs and keep his Clutter Cleaner crew employed."Where else can I make a killing? Cleaning crap."

Rose Marie, Pennsylvania
She wants to sell her house and move near her daughters. She was very clearly totally rich at some point. She's got furs, rugs, some sort of fancy wine that got Matt excited. What do I know? We drink wine out of a cube.

"Clowns are always creepy, in any situation. It's just weird." Should I just recap these with Paxton quotes? Maybe. "If it's a 10,000 rug and a cat's pissed all over it, its' a $10 dollar rug." GOD! I can't do it! I can't keep up with all the greatness. You guys watch and supply me with the quotes I miss.

Woody is charming, but problematic for the Clutter Cleaner crew. So, there's our side story potential.

"People like old things, they like to get drunk. I think there might be some value there." Matt on the wine in the basement. (which turned out to be spoiled) He's having trouble getting Rose Marie to sell things. Books that reek of urine? She wants to keep them.

There's a guy on the crew that hates sleeves. I'm pro-sleeves on t-shirts and there's snow on the ground. Dress appropriately! You'll catch your death of cold and that just means more crap for the rest of the crew to clean up.
They found a chesterfield sofa at the bottom of the clutter! Just like our work couch!! She said when she purchased it the guy said, "Lady, you have good taste. It's what The Beatles bought!" It's also what the owner of my company bought! Matt Paxton says the good stuff is always at the bottom, before their lives spiraled out of control. It's an archeological dig.

Matt pimps James, a member of his crew, out on the job. Both parties seem fine with the pimping arrangement.


Here's our hero sporting a Somali Leopard spotted dickey! Shantay, you stay!

$5,800 profit in 3 days! Way to go, dudes!

"I would burn it or throw it away." Matt, once again, creeped out by the clown. Don't miss out A&E, pick this show up!

2 comments:

George and Maureen Johnson said...

Great Blog as usual Reverend Awesome. I know, like I told you if only people really knew what goes on behind closed doors. When I worked for the Shrinks I found out I am not only normal, I am actually, Milk Toast boring....hahahahha! I was even shocked by that one.
If people only knew how many hoarders there actually were they would be astounded.
To me the Human mind is of particular interest. I guess because when I was young "My eyes were opened"! hahahaha! :)

Gary's third pottery blog said...

oh man, that feckin' couch gets AROUND!

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