Monday, December 13, 2010

Hoarders: Andrew + Shania (Belinda)

"Yeah, well you're still a whiz-kid doctor." A bulimic consoling Doogie Howser on Doogie Howser, M.D. I'm so excited about this new channel "hub" It plays The Wonder Years and Doogie. It's great. This is a post about Hoarders though, so let's get to that.

Andrew, New York. 
He's Andy and he's a handyman. He said that with a smirk as if he thinks the audience will find that oh-so-clever. He's a handyman without very many teeth.

The houses in his neighborhood go for like a million dollars. I bet his neighbors just love him.

"He looks like Nicolas Cage in Raising Arizona." Scott

Andy has himself a hair bucket. He puts his shave trimmings in a jar. Maybe he makes crafts with the trimmings. Little Christmas trees made out of spray painted beard trimmings. That seems like a good idea. I might buy one.

He thinks his garbage is worth $40,000! HAHA. Thank goodness Dr. Robin Zasio is here to tell him he's out of his mind.

Andy is quite spry for a hoarder. He climbs his hoard like a little monkey. He's devolving to survive the hoard.

There's Ms. Tonya Hoarding in a fetching blouse. That's what I'd wear over to a hoarder house too. Can't make a bad first impression.

Andy filed an order of protection against this brother Alan. Andy loves him some bikes. "I like 'em. They work." They are very important to him. That has to be a wig on Andy's head.

Matt Paxton! Do you know Matt Paxton is on twitter? He is. Follow him.

There's a homeless man living in Andy's back yard. His name is Gregory. Gregory the homeless is there to mentor Andy. Andy wants to mentor Gregory.  He huffs and he wants to help. He's also getting a little action in his yard shack.

Matt and Tonya Hoarding are a powerhouse team. 

"We're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket." MATT PAXTON! OH GOD. What is that series of decisions! Everyone be sure not to make them. Matt let the Possum Posse know what he meant by that. 

Matt Paxton so, I asked the homeless guy how he ended up in the shack. he says "you know, girls man, she broke my heart." Andy felt bad for this homeless guy and let him live in his yard. seriously, one of the most interesting hoards I've ever worked in.

about a minute ago ·  · 

Matt Paxton isn't taking any of Alan's shit! He's calling him out on his lies about caring for Andy. He doesn't care about Andy, he cares about his estate. Ohhh...Alan is a villain. Matt Paxton fights for hoarders everywhere. Now Alan has called Adult Protective Services. Andy has to lock him out. This is actually super crazy. Once again, Matt Paxton is right. 

Andy says 4 of Alan's enemies are now dead. This is going to turn into an emotional thriller. What is this Alan guys deal? Freak yeah, Andrew! Get a restraining order put on him! So awesome. Now Alan is trying to get a restraining order against Andy. HAHA! You're a terrible villain, Alan.

Greg the homeless man is "hot to trot." 

Tonya Hoarding just gave Andrew a cookie like he was a child. Good boy. 

"When we got here the house was a crap hole. We're leaving and the house is a crap hole." Oh you know who said that shit. 

Andrew is still living in filth. Climbing trees and hoard. He's a happy little hoarder. Matt is sort of happy for him and his hoard. 

Shania, Illinois
Shania is 14 and she's in 8th grade and likes to rock out. She feels like her Mom is a hoarder. And her bearded Dad.

Belinda is 37, disabled and a hoarder. She had to have surgery on her back and that caused her to hoard. Her Dad is 52 (Kevin) he has a giant beard, dolls and bills. Oh never mind, the dolls are Shania's. SHE'S A 14 YEAR OLD HOARDER! Scandal. "The only way I know how to clean is to put stuff in the corner."

Belinda is lounging on a pile of hoard, smoking a cig. Trying to be all sexy. Trying and succeeding, I'd say.

Shania, this kinda seems like a tricky teenage thing you're doing. The whole claiming to be a hoarder. It's all a ruse so she doesn't have to clean her room.

I really can't express how often these hoarders hoard stuffed animals. They all have them. Stuffed animals are patient zero. They are how the hoard starts. Look at them.


Certified Professional Organizer specializing in chronic disorganization. That's the organizer they sent to Shania. This lady gets the B team. Who cares who this lady is? If you would be awesome like Matt Paxton you wouldn't have to describe yourself like that. 

Belinda looks like a little troll doll. Did she just threaten to cry? Is she 3?

Belinda CAN'T BELIEVE someone would throw away something purchased at Wal-Mart. It's like Wal-Mart is her Versace. You know what's weird? I always think of Versace as being a really fancy brand, but I also always think of the movie Showgirls whenever "Versace" is said. It's a really powerful brand.

HEAD HOARDER! Now we are trying to figure out who is the head of the hoarders in this house. I love that the psychiatrist had to investigate to see if the daughter was the head hoarder. The head hoarder that taught her two parents to hoard.

Bucket o' cigs. Those are for more crafting obviously. 

Keep all those VHS tapes, Belinda! Collectors items. 

Shania wants to start making good decisions. 

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

i live in the town this family is from, and went to school with their children.. let me say no one was shocked.

Anonymous said...

where in illinois was shania. i live in illinois and just wanted to avoid the area

Anonymous said...

I'm also from Illinois. I assume it is in central Illinois somewhere because I saw a preview for the news about a month ago saying something about what the show was doing and what 'hoarders' found in a home near Springfield.

Jyl said...

Best Part:
Belinda - "I gotta think about my health" right after they show 2 empty cartons of Kool's on the bed.

Reverend Awesome said...

You went to school with them!? Oh my. Were they the weird kids in school? DId you know that hoarding was part of the weirdness? So many questions. Sorry.

I loved that too. She's worried about her health. I think she's more worried that her daughter is going to try to steal her smokes and treasures.

Jyl said...

Oh my God. I just saw the look of absolute TERROR in Gizmo's eyes while Belinda was holding him. I need to go save him. Does that make me a hoarder?

Amy in IL said...

Matt Paxton is a rock star!!! The four or five decisions quote? My new personal philosophy on life. Awesome.

Reverend Awesome said...

No way. Wanting to save Gizmo doesn't make you a hoarder. It makes you a hero to those affected by hoard.

Matt Paxton is a star! Every week a new awesome quote from that dude. He knows what he's doing and it's fantastic.

Jyl said...

I do sort of think that Matt and Tonya are realizing their new found fame. Matt's doing it in a cute-humble way, and Tonya in a "look at my new hair! i'm wearing jewelry to clean a hoard!" kinda way.

Anonymous said...

wow belinda lived next door to me in gooselake. Life has not been good to her.she was alwas a little different they used to keep a front half of a boat they used to have in the front yard hording maby.can you say holy shit when you see your old neighbor on hording on tv i now live in fl and about fell out of my seat when i seen this today i got a post on face book to see it so i watched and wow im sure her parente peggy and milton would of been proud

Reverend Awesome said...

She just had the front of a boat in her yard? No back? That's really strange.

You are sooo right about Tonya! She is out of her mind with fame. Someone needs to intervene about the highlights. Do her friends tell her it looks good? She has terrible friends.

Robert in Chicago said...

So I saw a portion of the episode that you're describing above and I googled it to find more information. Your synopsis is hilarious! "Keep all those VHS tapes, Belinda! Collectors items."

Melissa Miller said...

I must be a villain too because if Andy was my brother I would TOTALLY be Alan. I would be worse AND meaner than Alan.

Good thing I'm an only child.

??? I'm tired. And I didn't like how like, neither of the houses got cleaned out at all.

And omg yes I bet Andy's neighbors threw a block party (!) after he got kicked out.

Erin from Boston said...

i was a huge fan of andy's climbing abilities but not so huge a fan of his teeth. they gave me total heebie jeebies to look at.

homeless dude sex in a shed in a hoarders yard. doesn't get hotter than that.

belinda pissed me off with the threats to cry. go ahead belinda. see who doesn't care!

matt paxton and robin zasio should be a permanent hoarders team. they should get a spin off show they're that good together. maybe something along the lines of Hoarders/Extreme Makeover...they can clean out the hoard and give the hoarders makeovers.

Anonymous said...

Andy had some cool old Atari Computers. . . OH NO!!!

Czar said...

I liked the homeless guys zeal

Anonymous said...

hiya yeah i go to school with this girl... she isnt a nice gal lemme tell you that... she has a lot of problems and i can tell she gets it from her ma and dad. ive been in that house and she loves it the way it was. it was just an act that she want to be normal again. sorry.

Anonymous said...

ohh and you can find her on facebook(: Shania Coley. k bi.(:

Squiggly

Anonymous said...

To the anonymous above me, you little putz. You think you would be nice growing up in that??? Plus you post her real name?? What the hell? You are worse than them.

Anonymous said...

What town is Shania from?

Anonymous said...

I just love the team of Matt Man & Robin, they are my favorite duo! This was one of the most disturbing episodes showcasing mental illness!

Aritul said...

The homeless guy tripped me out. He was so random.

Anonymous said...

Andrew's house is 172-35 Henley Road Jamaica NY. Its still a disaster today http://a810-bisweb.nyc.gov/bisweb/PropertyProfileOverviewServlet?bin=4211275&requestid=1 , but it is cleaner on the outside than in the episode.

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becky said...

Shania was the daughter, 14, and the mother is Belinda, right? I dont get why people are dissing the teen!? Watching the show, she, Shania, wanted to get rid of things! Belinda, the toothless mother, at least her top row, was the one who was TRULEY to blame! She was all "I'll leave if this home isn't cleaned", but then SHE wouldn't get rid of ANYTHING!!!

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