You know what caused hoarding, guys? The great depression. I mean, for real. My grandma had a drawer full of bread bags. Hundreds of them. Do you know what caused the great depression? Charlie Chaplin's salary. There is no way anyone should have been getting that much money back then.
Lloyd has a 50,000 dollar fine! And other $50,000 fine? How do they ever expect him to pay that? $100,000 from Lloyd. He lives in a junk yard. That can just never happen. Why are we charging people money that they will never be capable of having?
Lloyd is a libertarian. I can tell you that right now. The awesome kind that says everyone just do what you want and let me do what you want and really believes that no bad could come of it.
"Get that bad Lloyd with the junk yard! We're going to get rid of his ass. You don't belong here."
Lloyd walks around with a black parasol. Some people may just call it an umbrella, but I think if you carry it during a day it is called a parasol. Lloyd and his black parasol.
Lloyd used to sell insurance and it stressed him out. He started drinking and then he got violent. We're 5 minutes in and I can already tell I'm going to like Lloyd. He's just like a funny, crazy old man that just wants everyone to mind their own business and he'll mind his own business.
"The magnitude of this hoard is enormous." That's what she said. The "she" is the Tina Fey wanna-be hoarding expert.
Lloyd has been living in a parked RV in his back yard. Well, I guess it's not an RV, it's a trailer. One of those trailers you have to hitch to a truck to move. Lloyd has no toilet, guess he'll probably just poop in bags like the other hoarders. I don't know how hoarders get to the point where they think that's reasonable.
They called adult protective services on Lloyd. Lloyd and his umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh.
Cory is in charge of clean-up. He's an alright dude.
Lloyd's daughter is throwing out precious items. Like rusty rings. I love Lloyd's look. The sunglasses on his hat. He's working it.
He just told his daughter she needed to ABIDE by him. God. This is what happens every time I start liking a hoarder. I find out they are mean. Lloyd likes talking about how they're out to get Lloyd. He says it in the 3rd person. I think that's a sign you've gone from fun crazy to bad crazy, when you start talking about yourself like that.
Lloyd has medicine in the fridge covered in maggots.
"GOD BLESS AMERICA!" Lloyd just cried that out when he sees what all has been taken from his yard. Lloyd is now SINGING God Bless America "to the assholes living on the ground around us." or something like that.
"I'm glad you can make intelligent decisions for your father." Lloyd to his daughter Kaye. Whoa. Now he's turning tables saying "F*¢k, America!" I don't even want to type that and get put on some list. I watch Jesse Ventura: Conspiracy Theory. I know what's up. They'll see that and they'll send me on a flight from Plum Island to Denver Airport and I'll never come back.
Lloyd has dementia. That could explain the mood swings.
"Here's a perfectly good box gone to hell." Lloyd.
He's still living at home in his junk yard. A nurse comes and visits him once a week.
Carol lives in Cali. She's 50 and she's a homemaker, a shitty homemaker, but a homemaker. Her husband is named Kelvin and he has a creepy mustache.
Kelvin doesn't want to eat feces. I didn't think he did, but he let us know he doesn't want to. If you were wondering.
"Do you want your boxes or do you want me?" That was his ultimatum to Carol. I think we know the answer to that, BOXES. God. Guess I know where she stands on the mustache.
Carol collects medical documents. She apparently is a fan of frivolous lawsuits. She got hurt at an amusement park. She's the type of person who sues for a million dollars because their coffee was hot. She keeps all of her lawsuit papers. Her husband refers to her piles of lawsuits as "her life's work."She calls it her treasure.
"That's how I make the money and pay the bills." Carol talking about her lawsuits. This is her job! Someone stop her.
Carol doesn't trust Kelvin. I don't trust Kelvin either, but I also don't trust Carol.
MATT PAXTON! "She's in a deep mental hoard. She's lost inside her head." This is a special kind of way that only people that scoop human shit out of houses talk. I think we've really seen Matt Paxton come into his own here this season. He's confident in his cleaning and hoarding assessing abilities.
Carol is hiding lawsuit papers all over the lawn. Carol is total crap at hiding things! She's tip-toeing and creepy out to the shed. Then she actually says, not to look in there. She hides things like my nieces. You walk into their room, food all over their face. "What are you guys eating?" "Nothing. Don't look in the drawer!" Seriously, this lady is hiding something. Something more than these fake lawsuits.
A&E, I'm getting pissed at all this crap programming. Hasselhoff, Bob Saget and Gene Simmons. You're sickening. Give us more people that weren't famous already. America has decided we are done with them being famous so just let it be. It's Hoarders time to shine. We don't need a Hasselhoof come back.
Well that's it. It's clean.
Carol and Kelvin are working on their marriage and mess.