Tuesday, October 12, 2010

WWKD: You Got Drunk and That's Okay

I just stumbled upon your blog last night.  I watched an episode of "Hoarders" for the first time (the lady with the bags pf poop, Robin).....and I needed to judge her but I live alone.  So, I turned to my best friend, The Internets.  So a link for your blog came on, I clicked, and now I am obsessed.  You will see that I have a problem with obsession in five..four.....three..two..........(ok but not scary obsession, I promise, unless you are my ex-boyfriend).

SO HELP ME, Kasey.

I brought up the subject of breaking up with my boyfriend to him at the end of June, and to my dismay HE AGREED.  I thought we'd just talk about stuff.  But no, we broke up.  Worst regret of my life until last Friday.  After months of calling, texting, hooking up with each other several times, sobbing, blogging, and gallons of red wine, I hit rock bottom.  I drunkenly called and texted and eventually DROVE to his HOUSE after he told me not to.  And, instead of agreeing to see me once I was there, he texted me and said "You have crossed a line, you are becoming a psycho, if you're not gone in 5 minutes I'm calling the cops."

So, don't worry, I left.  Miraculously did not get a DWI.  Will not contact him ever again.  Feel full of shame and bitter dismay and heartbreak and embarrassment.  So my question to you is - how can I stop feeling like a lunatic?

THANKS and keep up the funniness.
M in Minneapolis

Sometimes I feel like a lunatic too and you know what helps me feel like less of a lunatic? Thinking of how crazy other people are. So let’s talk about other people and their crazy behavior and put things in perspective.

Let’s take a look at Brad Zaun for example. He’s running for Congress here in Iowa. He got drunk (he claims he wasn’t drunk, but that makes it worse and he was clearly drunk according to the cops) His ex-girlfriend had to call them cops on him because he was harassing her at her house. He was pounding on her doors and windows, calling her a slut. The cops called him from his ex’s house and he saw her number and asked how Danny was. Danny was the man she was currently boning. Oops. Now Brad Zaun was doing all of this a year after they broke up and this man is running for congress. My advice isn’t to run for congress it’s just, people have done worse.

A girl I knew sprinted around downtown because she saw her boyfriend at a bar with another girl. Personally, no one is worth running for. Walking, sure I can do that. Running? Not unless I’m under attack.

Also, you’re a fan of hoaders. Are you pooping in a bag and keeping it on your stairs? As far as I know you’re not. You just got drunk and weird. We all get drunk and weird. That doesn’t make us lunatics, it makes us drunk. Anyone that has ever gotten drunk has gotten stupid drunk at some point. Does everyone go to their ex's? No, but whatever. Some people crap their pants. Which is worse? Also, he was still calling and hooking up and this and that. Smart people do dumb things after being dicked around. Maybe he needs some advice, don’t do it with people if you don’t want them around.

So actually he should be writing to me saying, “Me and my girlfriend broke up and she won’t stop calling me and I won’t stop calling her back and then I’ll text her and have sex with her and I don’t see why she doesn’t understand that I don’t want to be with her.”
Then I could say, “You’re an idiot. Keep your penis to yourself.”

My actual advice is even if you think you want him back you really don’t. Trust me, a stranger, on this. Also, red wine is nothing but trouble. Start drinking rum!

7 comments:

Gary's third pottery blog said...

GOT IT. Will keep my penis to myself.

Melissa Miller said...

Well I don't know either of these people but that guy sounds like a total JERK. Ahem.

Reverend Awesome said...

I agree. Total jerk store.

Melissa Miller said...

Oh and the girl who wrote to you? Like I said, I DO NOT know her but I can guarantee she does not have bags of poop, hers or anyone else's, laying around her house. Just trust me.

George and Maureen Johnson said...

Bwaaa Haaa gotta love Gary's comment...lol :) George says, "I will keep my penis to myself also"! I think the problem with women is they give men way too much credit in the "emotions" department. lol lol :) They really are not that deep, or complex, pretty simple actually....! I have been married for 42 years and have learned so much. lol lol lol..:) When I was young and would yell at George and say, "Hey how about a little intimacy"? He looks at me with a panicked expression and says, "Oh, you are pretty"! lol lol...:) Oh forget it! Go play ball with the dogs! lol lol lol...:)

Reverend Awesome said...

George and Gary, that is an excellent plan. Well, I mean, you can share them with Maureen and Maude, but if you don't want trouble it keep it at that. I'm not worried about you two getting into any trouble though.

Melissa, I don't think this person, this stranger, has bags of poop around her house. She just doesn't seem the type.

k.a. barnes said...

How come it's always BAGS of poop? Why not boxes? Tupperware? Tins?

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