Monday, October 11, 2010

Hoarders: Dawn and Linda

Hoarder fans that are on facebook should follow the Possum from Hoarders on facebook if you aren't already. It's hilarious.

Bing! We're on.

Dawn, 45 Las Vegas, NV
Tom 51, Dawn's Husband
Dawn dumpster dives and get items from charity groups.

Dawn's house looks like it's puking garbage. They think they keep the inside of the house a secret. I refuse to believe it's all that secret that you're slobs with garbage all over the lawn.

Dawn wants her husband to leave because she really enjoys living in tunnels made of boxes.

Who is the professional helping us with hoarding tonight? It's Dr. Scott Hennan. He specializes in a lot of typical hoarder crap. He's the gentle and reassuring hoarding specialist. Even his hair is calming.

Her cousin died in 9-11 and it turned her into a super depressed, hoarding, super charged patriot.

She has the worst voice. I think she's hopped up on pills. She's wearing a FDNY shirt and she trashed an American Flag chair yet refuses to throw it away. Why is it okay to turn the flag into a chair and sit on it, but people talk about other people disrespecting the flag?

Dawn can't tell her husband he did a great job. She had to call him a fool while being forced to compliment him. Dawn needs a bra in the worst way. God. Guess bras aren't one of her collections. Dawn curses like a sailor. She says what she was promised from Hoarders is a crock of fucking shit.

"Don't touch my glass. Don't touch my 9/11" Now she's declaring they are getting their drama. She needs more therapy these cleaners can give. She's covered in 9/11 memorials from her clutter to her shirt."

"I'm just being a hoarder bitch. !&@*#*$!*@$&*@#&$*@#%" Dawn has to be on something. Dawn NAMES SILK PLANTS! Oh god. So many problems. Who loves silk plants that hard?

George Foreman grills aren't healthy? Excuse me, hoarding expert, but infomercials tell me that they are. Oh. You can't just leave all the grease sitting on the grill after you use it? Ahh. Strange.

Her daughter has a chicken leg on top of the computer, bread on the floor, onion rings. The daughter can't remember when she had chicken in there. Just saving that for later when the ants are done. Oh no. CHILD HOARDER. Stuffed animal closet! Oh god no! She's one of them.

Dawn is throwing crap and crying "Bullshit! Sneaking stuff out on a hoarder is not good! I see this every time I watch it and that's why I look!" It was a DARTH TATER MR. POTATO HEAD! She's holding it to the camera as evidence.
She is freaking pissed about that Darth Vader Mr. Potato Head. How dare they try to donate that treasure!

Dawn made a disturbing discovery after the crew leaves. "My towers are broken!" That seems like maybe something they did on purpose for more drama. She had a glass statue on the TV of the twin towers (like we all do) and the cleaning crew broke it.

Linda, Pennsylvania she's a retired school teacher. Does it seem like a lot of these hoarders were teachers?

Steve is Linda's husband and he's shaped like a weeble.
Oh he walks with a cane or a wheelchair. Steve is sick with diabetes and he keeps falling down in the garbage. Linda wants Steve to just stay upstairs so he won't fall! He's trapped upstairs cuz of his wife's hoarding! Holy crap. Flowers in the Attic, but not really at all.

TEDDY BEAR COLLECTION. Never trust anyone with a teddy bear collection. That's something some of us learn the hard way.

Linda wears a visor! She's also trying to kill her husband by not bringing him food to his second floor prison. There was a year on vacation that I was thinking visors were WAY cool. That is what I knew I was going to buy once we got to Yellowstone. I did. It was red and sort of transparent. It said Yellowstone on it. I thought I was way cool.

*I see your Hoarders commercial Air Wick!! Good for you. You know who needs you. Hoarders and people who fear becoming hoarders. Thank you, Lysol and Air Wick for the limited commercial interruptions!

It's Matt Paxton! He's a stern, but warm cleaner.

Linda's daughter told her mom to smell her hands. Weird. Then she said because they smell like pee! Pee from all the items her mom wanted to donate which included, "cat piss clothes."

Linda wants to kill her husband. She just admitted it on camera. Listen, I think Linda is a murderer. For real. I hope the cops are on this.

The daughter is not really dressed to clean. The pee hand daughter. She's wearing a tube top. 

The family caused truce and now they're all cleaning together.

I don't think Linda seems all that happy that her husband is now downstairs.

All the sudden the hoarders have pets. I didn't seem them until now. A giant bird being one of them.
Now Steve is downstairs and unhappy according to the update. He misses his privacy. He misses his prison.


Erin from Boston said...

hi. i just wanted to let you know that reading your Hoarders recaps is like waking up on christmas morning as a 6 year old. keep doing what you're doing. i love it!

troutrageous1 said...

The stoic shot at the close of diabetic Papa Hemingway and his white parrot was priceless.

I wish I could get a still frame of that and give it to a starving artist to paint on black velvet.

Seriously, I love Hoarders, and would consider marrying Linda's daughter Renee in a second. She's got just the right amount of sass.

However not sure if ANYTHING can ever top the Vula episode from a petrified cat feces per square inch standpoint.

Reverend Awesome said...

Wow. Thanks, Erin! I feel like Santa or at least an elf.

I know! That giant bird was hilarious. Where the hell did it come from?

Vula was the Queen of Disgusting. I don't know who is going to be as gross as her and her poop piles. A&E is certain to find that person though.

You know what's bad? I usually have dinner during Hoarders. I am so numb to the sight of dead cats and shit that I can eat while watching. I'm just as bad as they are. (No I'm not. I don't live amidst poop.)

Jyl said...

Hi Kasey! I work with Erin and she told me about your Hoarders blogging. I love it!

I do think you should call Dr. Zasio "Tonya Hoarding" though. It's catchy, no?

Reverend Awesome said...

Thanks, Jyl!
Tonya Hoarding. I love it and I will use it and totally give you credit. Way catchy!

Melissa Miller said...

Haahahaha Tonya Hoarding. Awesome. Kasey your Hoarding blogs should definitely be famous. Famous-er. Also I do not live amidst poop. FYI.

Reverend Awesome said...

Yeah and that is how you can tell you're doing alright, not living amidst poop.

Melissa Miller said...

Oh yeah, apparently I already told you I don't live in poop. Does telling you twice make me seem like I'm actually trying to hide the fact that I really DO??? *deep breath*

Melissa Miller said...

I completely forgot to comment on how horribly absurd Linda was (is, I'm sure.) I mean. I mean seriously. Do you think Child Protective Services watches this show, because no one should love a Darth Vader Mr. Potato Head that much. Maybe a vintage Cabbage Patch doll (dressed in patriotic gear?), but not Potatos....

And her voice was horrible. And everything. She sucked.

Reverend Awesome said...

I LOVED when she held it up to the camera for her audience as evidence. I mean, the look on her face was, "You guys see what I mean?! They about threw out Tater Vader." And she just had a look as though all of us watching at home would be on her side.

And yeah, Vader Tater is not even from this universe let alone from USA! USA! USA!

Melissa Miller said...

"And yeah, Vader Tater is not even from this universe let alone from USA! USA! USA!"

HAHAAHAHAHA you kill me. Haahaha!

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha, just saw a rerun of this episode, LOVE your recap of it. "Just saving that for later when the ants are done." Killed me!

Dawn is the devil! Why on earth is her husband still married to her???

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Last July I think I saw 9/11 lady's car parked at the Eastside Cannery casino in Las Vegas. The back was completely covered in 9/11, FDNY, and patriotic bumper stickers.

Anonymous said...

If only she knew how much she is making the situation about her self and how disrespectful it is.

Odhrán Beag said...

This only aired in Ireland recently, I couldn't believe the potato head thing. Felt very bad as the daughters seemed very intelligent and kind.

The second woman, Linda, seemed very manipulative and it was bizarre that that sister who appeared for only one of the scenes sided with her.

I felt sorry for the daughter Renee who seemed to recognise the situation, but was criticised for it. Also, not being disrespectful, Renee was jaw droppingly beautiful, I'd have needed a cold shower every five minutes if I'd been there!

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