Sunday, July 18, 2010

Jobs I've Had

My friend Maureen recently posted all the jobs she's had. She's had a lot. She's a bohemian. A lover of life. I have had not as many jobs, but they were all semi-interesting in their own special ways.

During high school I had a couple jobs that didn't really count.

My first job that I think counts was working at a car wash. I don't know why I decided I should work at a car wash. I just decided that is where I was going to go apply. I applied, I interviewed, I got the job. Turns out not many girls had worked there.

So they didn't really know how to behave around me at first, but they learned they could just talk to me like anyone else. Two guys lived in Newton. They had troubled relationships with their wives. They said their wives were lot lizards. They would talk on CB radios and get truckers to have sex with them.

Another guy painted Bruce Springsteen's house once and talked about it hundreds of times. He came to work drunk everyday, sometimes the day started at 8. He had beer for breakfast.

Another guy tried to get rich by selling Amway. That didn't work out.

After that a started at a more reasonable job. Working at Petco. Working at Petco isn't as fun as you'd imagine working at Petco would be. I lost a snake in the store once. I put it in a bin to eat a mouse and when I went to put it back he wasn't in the bin. Out, loose in the store. I felt terrible because it was really expensive. A week later a customer calls someone over and says, "There is something alive in this package." There was my snake in a rock heater package. I was so excited! I don't know how thrilled the people were about finding it.

Another time a couple guys came in and wanted 120 mice. I got them as many as we had. 106. A little while later the cops called and asked if anyone had come in and bought mice. Yes. I guess they turned the mice loose in Dowling High School as a senior prank. The news came in to talk to them about it. I had to describe the guys to the cops, but all I remembered was that one had a YMCA shirt on. The school brought as many mice back as they could.

Then I worked at a bowling alley in Dallas Center. I loved it SO MUCH! That place was such a fun place to work. I worked on the lanes if they were broken, waitressed, cooked and made pizzas. I loved making the dough every morning. When we were slow, I bowled. That didn't make me good bowler! I still totally suck. My boss was the greatest. He was a volunteer firefighter, recently out of a marriage with a woman and living with his boyfriend and he owned a bowling alley in Dallas Center.

There was one man that came in that refused to allow me to wait on him. (I had my lip pierced) He said, "I should not have to look at that." He was the town weirdo/pervert. He lived out on the highway. So my boss would wait on him whenever he came in and make his food. He is a creep. He has a mannequin that he dresses in lingerie and puts in his attic window so all the people that drive by can see it. At Christmas he put her in a sexy santa costume. He was a weirdo and he was disgusted with me! It was funny. I would always smile and say "hi" when I saw him at the gas station just to make him sicker.

After that I worked at a couple hotels. Those were SUPER INTERESTING places to be. At the first hotel a guy booked his room for the week. He paid in full as he checked out. It turned out he was in there getting things worked out to kill himself. He even had arranged for someone to tow his car from the hotel so his family wouldn't have to worry about it. He shot himself in his room. No one heard the shot though, housekeeping found him.

The first hotel was mostly vacationers, people visiting family. The next had more corporate guests. Some people had to stay there so often they would bring us things. One lady would call and see how many people were working and buy us ice cream sundaes. Another guy brought in cheese curds for me to try. DISGUSTING. Little rubber nuggets. I had to spit it out.

And now I work in advertising.

7 comments:

Gary's third pottery blog said...

you had a pierced lip??????? can you squirt Kcitos out the little hole to entertain your little nieces?
each of your jobs would be an excellent post all by itself!

Gary's third pottery blog said...

I keep trying to have a job as a free lance pet sitter, but people abuse me. The last gig I had surprised me: they gave me NOTHING. Time before that? Drinking glasses that said 'come to Buffalo for good times!". I am thinking the pet sitting thing may not work out, although I love pets...

Reverend Awesome said...

I did have a pierced lip! I've had it out for awhile, after I graduated college. I figure that's the time you give up things like that. So the nieces never saw it or any of my tricks. I liked hanging Christmas ornaments off of it just to look super foolish. Water didn't really shoot out of it, more a trickle.

I was wondering if I should've made this post multiple posts. Ah well. It's all there now!

I hate when people do that. I've had that happen before. Not with teh petsitting, but baby sitting.

George and Maureen Johnson said...

LMHO...Oh these are great! It seems that each and everyone of us perceive life with a WTF moment in dealing with people! lol I could post a million stories on the strange interactions with people. Especially with all the jobs I have had also..Oh boy, if I would of thougt of it I would of definitely worked at the bowing alley..Just didn't think of it! I would of loved that too! HEY BOHEMIANS ROCK...and Gary, please be a pet sitter, we will have stories forever, and ever! LET'S ALL KEEP EACH OTHER LAUGHING!

k.a. barnes said...

"The school brought as many mice back as they could."
Nearly peed myself reading that.

Gordo said...

A friend of mine worked nights at one of the sketchier motels here a couple of years ago. He said that was REALLY interesting.

I liked the mice, too. :-D

Both Sides of Ben Marlan said...

i havent kept any real job for more than 3 months in my whole life. Is that normal? I fucking hope not

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