Friday, July 23, 2010

"I just ordered a cat abortion"

That's what Heath came to my desk and said to me almost 3 years ago. A day he and I will never forget. (really we don't forget much so this is one of the many things we will never forget) Anyways, back to the cat abortion. Heath and his husband Michael decided to become the proud parents of a kitten. They named her Ruth Bader Ginsburg. We all love her so much. She's a dignified sort of lady. They scheduled an appointment to get her shots and get her spayed when she was finally old enough. Bob Barker would be so proud. He took her in before work. Midmorning he got a call that Ruthie was pregnant and what did he want to do. Heath ordered a cat abortion and came over to my desk very upset about it all.

WHAT?! Pregnant?!

She was so teeny tiny and hadn't been around any other cats other than her pal Afeni. Afeni the lady cat. The younger and still a baby lady cat. We were so confused. I called my Mom, "Mom! Afeni has to be a boy. Ruthie B.G. is pregnant and Afeni is the only cat she's ever been around." "She's not a boy, Kasey. She's a girl." NO! She's a boy and the boy is a tramp.

We were brainstorming ideas on what it could be. One of the possibilities was that the maintenance man brought his cat in and let it do it with Ruthie while Heath and Michael were at work. That's the sort of insane ideas that go through your head when a kitten is pregnant. She was taken advantage of!

Another option was that my girl cat was really a boy and that they did it while I was kitten sitting, again, while I was at work. This was all going on when no one was around. Shamefully.

Then I hit the internet. I was on cat message boards researching things like "cats being born pregnant" and "how old does a cat have to be to get pregnant" and "can a girl cat be a boy cat too" (yes, I thought that Afeni was a hermaphrodite). I was coming up with a lot of crazy, but no real answers.

Then, hours later, Heath got another call from the vet. She wasn't pregnant. Those were just fur balls and they were in her intestine and not her uterus. WTF, people?! Don't make me and Heath scour the internet and feel guilty over cat abortions cuz you are some sort of tard vet. You confused intestines with a uterus? Really? Heath didn't go to that vet again, Ruthie is not a slut and Afeni is not a hermaphrodite.


Tiffany said...

Whoopsies Mr./Mrs. Vet...intestines and uterus mistakes, what will it be next?

Glad Ruthie's not a slut cat. :-)

I love the 3rd photo!

Reverend Awesome said...

I think Ruthie is still emotionally scarred from the shame of it all!

They were good friends. They even went in the litter box together!

k.a. barnes said...

So much of this made me laugh out loud hard enough to pee:
"Ruthie B.G."
"Ruthie is not a slut and Afeni is not a hermaphrodite."
"They even went in the litter box together!"

But seriously. WTF kinda vet gets fur balls and fetuses (feti?) confused??

Gary's third pottery blog said...

somebody got an inline degree as a vet's helper and hung out their shingle, forgetting the helper part...golly these cats are great and your story hysterical!

George and Maureen Johnson said...

I hear ya about some stupid Vets in the world. I could post a horror story of what one Hick Vet did to our beloved Pug, Ti. He almost killed him, his stupidity was astounding. George said, "Some of them must "Dippy Do" in the animal tranquilizers...! :) Just glad poor Ruthie didn't have to undergo the life threatening surgery our darling pug went through....! Poor Kitty!

Reverend Awesome said...

I had a vet about kill Dink-E cuz "I didn't know she had such small lungs" well do you think that's something I would know? I mean, come on. How could I? He was the one with machines and shit.
She had a tumor on her leg and had to have it removed. After surgery she couldn't catch her breath. We had to take her back and she had to stay over night. It was so scary. Then he acted like it was my fault for not telling him about her tiny lungs that I had no idea about.

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