Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Maude Explains it All...For ME!

Okay, I love Maude. I've never met Maude. I've talked to Maude on the phone and heard many stories of Maude from her adoring husband Gary, but we've never met face to face. I feel like we have. Anyways, I thought it would be fun to ask her interview questions because I knew she would have the best answers. And she did! And here they are.


I looked at these questions last night, started a dissertation on them and will have the anwers for you and my adoring public in a month.  Nope!  I looked and here I am flying at the questions with one mug (small) of coffee and one crazy cat zooming around.  Since Spike is now scheming in the bathroom I am now free to move about the keyboard.  So, first things first.

Maude, we all know about your purple house, your mad potter husband, the dogs, the cats.  What we want to know is, how do you really feel about Georges the French sock monkey? 
I think it's time for our guest to realize that he is just that and leave.  Well, except the triple chocolate cookies are good so there are some advantages.  Still, I was getting some donations out of an obscure closet (is there such a thing?) and found the extra-large Jaques inside.  That is what I worry about, if Goerges feels comfortable here, who else will? (Cat springs to bookshelf)

What were your favorite toys growing up? What are your favorite toys now? 
(ominous sound from downstairs, excuse me a moment)  I think my favorite toy was my teddy bear but I had and still have a Raggedy Ann with shoe-button eyes.  After we watched Frankenstein or Draculawhen I was a kid, if I could get to my bed and feel those two eyes through my nightgown I knew I'd be alright.  She might still be protecting me.
I think my favorite toy now is a pen Gary gave me.  Someday I shall run out of refills and have to go into Tiffany's for more.  I be just like Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's!  Yeah, right.  But let us continue.
 
What would you consider the weirdest thing you own?  
This is a hard one, not because I have so much weird stuff but because I don't know the word for it.  OK, so there's this thing called a reticule, which Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dict. defines as a woman's drawstring purse.  Still with me?  Then Scottsmen have these things dangling from their belts called sporrans.  Hey, maybe I have enlarged everyone's vocabulary here.  Anyway, Etna has this "Name your price" sale every year which has the cast-offs from the villagers' garage sales.  When it's over everything that didn't sell is piled under the tree in front of the Post Office.  Invariably it rains and for the next day and a half, pickers look through the pile.  That's where I found this odd little alligator purse (remember that jump rope rhyme?).  It clips over a lady's waistband or threads onto a belt.  The clippy mechanism was patented in 1912.  There is no way this could hold a wallet, sunglasses, ipod--even the smallest, and cell.  Reminds me that there was a time when coins could get you everywhere you needed to go and buy you some lace trim, too.

Walk us through a typical day in the life of you. Do you really floss as loud as Gary says you do? I just refuse to believe it. Also, gold star for flossing daily.  
Ya know, I flossed last night just to see if he would notice and make a remark.  Not fair to test someone and blog the results, right?  But let us continue this social experiment.  Briefly I thought of announcing an intention tofloss after I already had and then make noise and see if that excited any comment but the whole thing was too complicated.  And late at night I really just want to see what Anne Elliot ofPersuasion fame is doing, or some such so I didn't.  The summary?  He didn't notice SO, I do not floss as loudly as he claims.  Rule one with bloggers, don't believe everything you read.
 
How many times a day do you find yourself wondering if what you're doing is going to be broadcast to the internet?  
I only wonder after I've made some remark and he reaches for a piece of paper.  Then I know.

Do you realize how much the internet adores you?  
I think I might print that out in 72-point type and post it where I'll see it often.


Let's say I had the ability to grant you one super power, (I don't. We're pretending.) which one would you choose? 
Flying, I haven't gotten on my bike this year and flying would allow me to run errands quickly without burning fossil fuel and looking for parking spaces.


Describe your favorite vacation. It could be one you have gone on or one you'd like to go on. 
We, that's the G-character and I, would go to a beach.  We could lie on the sand and look at the stars at night.  Maybe the cabin would have a book on constellations so I could add one more formation to my knowledge or just ignore the book without guilt--but at least I'd the resources there if I choose.  This is part something I did as a kid but something I'd share with G.  The funny thing is, the place I visited in Maine no longer has no sand on this particular beach.  A winter storm swept it all away, leaving only rocks.  It is important to have a rich fantasy life.


Am I asking too many questions? Okay. Just one more.
Someone gives you a thousand dollars. They tell you that you have to spend it, no savings for this money. What do you do with it? 
This is tricky.  First I'd split it and give away half to worthy causes.  Then I'd split what was left with G, and that's hard to do because he might not accept it but I will insist.  Then I would head to the Salvation Army or territory unknown in Cortland (I've heard rumors about stores there) and definitely a bead store or two.  Maybe a tailor.  I'd feel like a million dollars after that.  Actually, just thinking about it, I already do.


So there you have it. The wonderful musings of Maude. Photo above by my pal, StevO.

9 comments:

k.a. barnes said...

Maude is just fabulous.

Reverend Awesome said...

I totally agree. She rules.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

holy cats, NIIIIIICE! Thanks KC!

Kari said...

I propose the creation of a Maude is Awesome facebook club!

Gordo said...

I've had the honour or spending time with Maude and she is quite the character. Gary doesn't know it, but I really just put up with him so that I can talk to Maude on occasion.

Very well read, quick to laugh, incredibly patient. Gary's a lucky guy. :-)

Liz said...

YAY Maude!! You know I never met a Maude I didn't like.

Liz said...

oh. and Maude, PULLLEASE post a picture of your reticule. I have a handbag/history fetish and am DYING to see your little treasure.

Reverend Awesome said...

I love the Maude tangents of genius.

Reverend Awesome said...

I love the Maude tangents of genius.

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