Saturday, May 29, 2010

WWKD: Hobos

dear WWKD--
I have a big ninja hobo voodoo problem.  There is this hobo  dude, let's just call him "KARL" although that isn't his real name, and he has this spooky Spidey sense.  Every time you say his name, or even SPELL his name to your friends, the dude comes out of nowhere and tries to get you to buy him a beer and a burrito.  It is truly this sort of ninja hobo voodoo sh!t, I am telling you.
Short of moving out of town and being impolite, how do you deal with this?  I am thinking that every time he shows up I say "ooops, gotta catch my plane!" or "damn, I just remembered, I've got surgery scheduled!" and run off.
How would you deal with spooky ninja hobo voodoo sh!t?

Hobos are a tricky problem to have. You see they pretend they're in a drunk-on-Wild Irish Rose stupor, but you must be careful around the hobos. Sometimes they are just playing drunk in order to sneak up on you and suck out your soul through your nostrils. Sounds weird doesn't it? Sounds sort of unbelievable. Believe it! Thinking that's just a story teens tell each other around a bonfire* is just what the hobos want you to believe!

The trick for living safely with hobos. Always keep a bottle with deposit on you. Always. If your state does not have a deposit on cans and bottles, keep a quarter in your hand at all times. When you see a hobo take your can or your quarter, throw it as far as you can and run in the other direction. Coins and cans are huge distractions for hobos.

If you don't have those items on you, improvise. Point to the distance and say, "Hey, what are they throwing in that dumpster?" and run.

*No teens tell that story around a bonfire. I added that for effect.


Gary's third pottery blog said...

GOOD ADVICE. Can you believe that less than 30 minutes after I wrote this Maude is down town and bumps into.....KARL! You can't even write to advice columnists! SPOOKY alright.

Becky Jo said...

So, I'm thinking that if you have a super close encounter, you should grab your stomach, double over in pain and say that you ate a burrito at the establishment where the hobo is trying to sucker you into buying him a burrito and RUN for the bathroom. Not only will your immediate sickness possibly gross the hobo out, but he won't want the burrito if that's the outcome it produces.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

karl sez he would love to meet you Kasey. he wants to get married (NO KIDDING) to a 20 year old and have babies. of course, he lives in his car and is 52 and smells bad, and you are not in your 20s anymore, but his point is : YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YET. Believe it. Tell Scott to hang on tight, you have another dude who wants you...btw, this morning at breakfast, I mention karl to the wife. She tells me DON'T SAY it or SPELL it. Later in the day, she is working graduation, and at her reception? After all the kids have their degrees and wander off to find some rum drinks? All these weird strangers show up and start filling plates with food. Sure don't look like 22 year olds and their families, it is the local HOBO BRIGADE led by..... ____
I sh!t you not. They are everywhere, and they want to MARRY YOU AND HAVE BABIES.

Reverend Awesome said...

God damn, hobos! I knew it. I knew it would come to this. Spreading their hobo seed all over the country. That's all they want. They want spare change, empty soda cans and to impregnate people with beds.

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