Monday, May 31, 2010

Hoarders Recap: It's Back! Thank God.

Have you guys felt like a small (but very important) part of your life has been missing? I know I have. That's because Hoarders has been reruns since, what feels like, the dawn of time. My Mondays have been a wreck. NOT ANYMORE! We're back and hopefully better than ever. If you don't watch Hoarders don't go getting all smug and thinking you're better than me. You're not. You're missing out on some quality programming. Oh and did you guys see that Obsessed is coming back?! It's like life has meaning again.

This music. How I've missed this music!

Michelle She's from OR. She's a "homemaker." She's making a giant bird's nest it seems.

She's been "into" birds for 20 years.
"They are like potato chips, you can't have just one." -Hoarder on her bird hoarding. You know what this means, for the first time ever, bird poop hoarding!

Jason is 32 and he's Michelle's son. He hates those birds.

Kim is 28 and Michelle's daughter. After her and her brother went to college she says, "she just turned to the birds." Rhyming offspring.

Michelle skipped her son's wedding cuz she had to take care of her pets. Maybe she just doesn't like weddings and that was an excuse. Did you ever think of that?

3 years ago her husband broke his leg. He hasn't been able to move back because she hasn't cleaned it up and he has limited mobility. So he's living with his daughter so his wife can live in her trash box. Sometimes I think these hoarders hoard to keep their husbands out of the house.

She's a subscriber to Bird Talk magazine. Someone has to be. Michelle says she goes out with friends, but a lot of them are bird friends. Like Big Bird! She's Snuffaluffagus!

Out go the birds with the vet. Her 57! birds. He says birds don't pee, they shoot out acid. Oh a bird has my name of course. So many pets named Kasey.

Matt Paxton is an EXTREME cleaning specialist. X-treme! He cleans to the max.

Phone book has been eaten in half by rats. So there are birds AND RATS. Smashed rats. BLAH! This rat has been like mummified under garbage. The clean up people always hold up these smashed animals like a prize.

Let's not let this bird bitch go through all the stuff in the house. Come on. Now she won't throw out VHS tapes. Oh god. What if they are filled with bird porn. That's what she's doing with all those birds. Just making bird porno, after bird porno. I've seen birds have sex. It's silly. I think I've posted a pic of it before.

"Come here since you got me into this mess." Hoarder to her daughter. Hoarder needs to take the blame for her birds and her garbage. She's a kinda nasty See You Next Tuesday. F this lady.

Emotionless hoarder shows emotion. It's a breakthrough. And she only parted with 6 birds.
The house looks a crap load better though. Still not clean enough for her husband to come home though.

Kim in her 30's from Tennessee. 
Oh a lady must never tell her age! Oh no. Show the entire world the shit hole you're living in, but don't you dare tell them your actual age. The mere thought of it. Good move, Kim.

Kim has a new boyfriend. She's been dating him for 6 weeks and she won't let him come over. Clean up for the sake of your vagina, Kim!

Somehow Kim's job is in danger due to her hoarding. That is perhaps because she's using a floor as an office. She's pointing to different parts of her carpet and calling it her work desk and personal computer. There is zero office furniture in this room. No desk. No chair. No filing cabinet. Not even a pencil holder.

Matt the boyfriend of 6 weeks is about to head into her hoarding house. He looks like a super hero. What has he gotten himself mixed up in? 6 weeks into a relationship and she's having you be a part of Hoarders? Date a guy for at least a year until you ask him to sign a release and admit to the world he's dating you and your filth.

Certified Professional Organizer Specializing in Chronic Disorganization. Oh really? I am made up certified in some really specific shit too. What a coincidence.

60 toothbrushes in her closet. She says it's because she has a lot of family. They are holding up the toothbrushes the same way they held up the dead rat. Let's not be so dramatic about toothbrushes. They aren't poop and they are dead, flattened animals. Even with foreboding music you aren't making them scary.

What does this broad need a sombrero for?  Throw it out! Her friends are over to help. Lady, these are good friends.

She let her neighbor into her house. Have a feeling she'll be keeping him on backup if Matt breaks up wiht her.

Oh god bless those people. They gave her a desk. Says she's still dating Matt.


Tiffany said...

Darn it, I missed it!!

Tiffany said...

Yeah! It's on repeat tonight.

Plus some updates on season 1 people, I am so glad they do updates...hooray!

Reverend Awesome said...

I'm watching the update show now.
People just can't stop hoarding!

Tiffany said...

We saw the update, most were okay but Jake I think did the best.

Now watching Obsessed for the 1st time, are you happy? You got me on another show now. :) The cleaner woman and the exercise man...

Liz said...

ew. dead rats? I thought I had a hoarding problem. I have twelve well organized, large rubbermaid totes with yarn and spinning fibre. BUT NO RODENTS!!!! and I can lay my hands on yarn by fibre type, colour and yarn gauge at any time. But again, NO RATS!!!! or other vermin.

Becky Jo said...

Hey, did you watch the hoarder episode of Bones? I watched it last night and thought you may have enjoyed that one... granted, it's all made up, but still... that guy had a lot of crap. I've missed your Hoarder recaps. It's nice to have them back.

Reverend Awesome said...

Obsessed is how I got into Hoarders. The tooth brush episode...if they ever show that one again...I dare you to watch! And I am happy! YAY!

This show is just something else. I mean people had a pile of poop last season that ate through their floor.

Everyone seems to love that show Bones. I have never seen it. It must be on at the same time as other shows I love. Hoarders is touching lives and our programming! Thank you. It's good to be back with new Hoarders.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

My neighbor asked if we could store some of his hoarded sh!t this morning. I am like what the f### makes you think I want your hoarded overflow? What is it with the whole HOBO-HOARDING-GET-GARY-TO-HELP sh!t???? He asked if we have an extra room! No. I am glad the wife was not around. She is nice. She would try to help. I would NOT try to help.

Reverend Awesome said...

Oh man. Gary you are some sort of a hobo/weirdo magnet! You need to get yourself demagnetized.

Tell this guy you won't cater to his garbage addiction!

Gary's third pottery blog said...

its like hobos have their sh!t backwards: they think you SLEEP in dumpsters, after a good meal perhaps, but you would never GET RID of your trash into a dumpster. Dumpsters are for snacks and naps!

Tiffany said...

Haha, my 1st episode I watched of Obsessed was the "toothbrush" episode. WOW...I will never ever think of a toothbrush in the same manner again. My husband had to explain to me what was going on, I just couldn't believe it. Poor husband of the toothbrush woman. At least she showed a lot more improvement than the exercise maniac ("maniac" used in the gentlest way possible).

Like Derek Zoolander, he never turns left. You can make this up!!

Reverend Awesome said...

HAHAHA! The toothbrush one had that close up shot of the toothbrush that I will never forget. Just sitting there having been places no toothbrush should ever go.

Tiffany said...

Now that I saw the new Hoarders episode, I'll comment. I live for your Hoarders reviews, never ever stop, please! :)

I was thinking "Oh no" regarding Michelle. She said her daughter forced her into this cleanup...perfect, this means nothing will get done & she doesn't want to change! My husband would die of suffocation in that bird hole with his allergies. I like how the Xtreme Cleaner called it the 'saddest house ever'.

Kim's bf looked like a decent guy, I agree for the sake of her vagina, keep the house livable!

I shall never speak of toothbrushes ever again.

Reverend Awesome said...

Thanks, Tiffany! I don't plan on stopping. God help me.

I even felt bad for the birds in her house! I know that my parents had an African Gray they got from some people that couldn't handle it and when they got him he had plucked all his feathers out everywhere but his head. He was just so unhappy. He did grow his feathers back though. The other people just didn't have time for him.

It was soo strange how Kim was pointing to different areas of her floor and declaring it a desk. Living in a fantasy world. If her boyfriend hasn't seen Hoarders before I hope he starts watching and sees what he has in store for him.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Hеllo, I enjοy reading all of your artіcle.
I liκe tο ωrite a lіttle comment to support you.
Here is my web blog - how to stop snoring

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...