Wednesday, April 21, 2010

16 and Pregnant: Roadkill and Run


Kailyn–Her mom abandoned her (She's living in a hotel with her boyfriend and without a job) so she moved in with Joe (her boyfriend's) family and got knocked up.

Her mom wanted her to get an abortion. She was having none of that or adoption. Adoption would just be so hard unlike being a teen mom.

She's trying to hide the pregnancy with baggy clothes! Yep. That will work. She is totally way pregnant. There is no hiding this shit. She's wearing black cuz she says it will make her look skinnier. Get a grip on yourself. The store clerk told her that soon she won't be able to hide it. She's hoping she doesn't get too much bigger, she's 6 months along. We all know the baby doesn't grow those last 3 months. That's just hanging out in uterus time. Chillaxin' before entering the world.

Everyone is staring at her at school. Oh no! Worst thing that could happen to her...
See teens, once you have a baby you can't really bother worrying about kids staring at you as you walk down your high school hall. There are far bigger worries.

Still lovin' the graphics.

Didn't use a condom. Got pregnant on prom night. Her friends at least have the decency to tell her that she's not pulling off hiding her pregnancy.

Her mom (Suzi) is such a stereotype of an atrocious mom! Terrible short hair all fluffed up. Silky scarf around her neck. Giant hoop earrings. Her mom is only concerned about her boyfriend. He's more important than her daughter. Dating less than a year. Dickmatized.

She found her dad on facebook. He's invited her to go meet him. Has never met him.

The sonogram looks just like Joe. That's what they are all declaring! It's a sonogram!

Her shit Mom is being really down on her Dad she's never met. Shit Mom loves being a bitch.

Joe's a bummer, dude. Negative Nancy to the max. Joe's parent's seem to be pretty decent people.

I keep forgetting I DVRed this and watching the commercials.

Holy shit! Her Dad is amazing. Long hair, freaking handlebar moustache, giant polo shirt. I freaking l love it. HIS VOICE! His voice totally sounds how you would imagine a guy that looks like this sounding like.

"You know why there’s a hole in the roof of the Dallas Cowboy’s stadium? So God could watch his team play on Sundays."

HE'S GOT A LOCK ON HIS FRIDGE! I can't take this. I'm so excited. Someone stole $200 worth of meat out of his fridge. Sticky fingers! HE EATS ROADKILL! I can't deal. Fantastic.

Now she wants to go home immediately. Dad talks about eating a little road kill and you just bail on him? Isn't that just like a teen.

That Dad makes this worthy of being the season finale. Leave on a highly awesome note.

Her Mom, huge bitch, won't go with her on a college visit. She's in the middle of something on the computer. Her Mom can kiss my ass.

She wants to be a dental hygienist. How do people want to do this?! My word. God bless you, pregnant teen.

She found her mentor at college. Another girl whose Mom abandoned her for getting pregnant. Dental Hygiene school saved her life!

"Can't they just like suck it out real quick?" Kailyn while in labor.

She had a boy, Isaac.

Joe continues to be a dick. His parent's continue to be reasonable.

And her mom continues to be a hateful bitch. She is the worst person on Earth. She is Lucifer. Trash box. Can't even bother to see her daughter on Mondays, Thursdays or even Saturday's...she doesn't know. She won't help. She shows us to remind us all there is evil in the World and then disappears.

You know, this girl is better off getting away from her mom and living with Joe's awesome parents.

2 comments:

Gary's third pottery blog said...

Oh this is so terribly depressing but your reportage is so totally awesome. Tell the dude with the 'stache and Cowboy's theory that there's a flattened snake here by the house he can have, I'm sure it tastes just like slim jim....

Becky Jo said...

I like the Dad. Weirdos are fun, and he thinks God likes to watch football. He can't be all that bad.

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