Sunday, March 14, 2010

16 and Pregnant: Recapped for your Displeasure

Hello kids! Welcome to another episode of 16 and pregnant. The TV you're not watching for the following reasons:
1. Not in the demo.
2. It's complete trash.
3. You have a life.
And that's why I'm here! I am not in the demo, I know it's bad, but that pesky number 3...
Here we go.

Chelsea.

She lives in South Dakota. She says she's all about having fun. Guess that's where the teen sex comes in. Says she's a daddy's girl. My Dad would not be for me being a teen mom.

"I don't want to poop when I push her out." They say that's normal. Pooping and having babies at the same time sounds terrible.

Dad is disappointed. Undoing it is not a choice for them, they say. I would like to see an episode of teen mom where undoing it is a choice.

Unborn baby's dad broke up with her over text, told her to get an abortion, then decided they would make things work. Sounds great! Dad is accusing the boyfriend of "not giving a hoot" about the baby. I really don't think that's the language my dad would use with such an idiot. Perhaps that's why I didn't end up a teen mom. My Dad is not so tolerant of douche bags doing it with his daughters.

Her mom showed up late to the ultrasound. Baby's Dad isn't there. Her friend is though. I really should go ahead and pay more attention and figure out this guy's name.

She is testing out her diapering ability on their pug. And testing out the babies first outfit. Pugs go along with anything! Such sweet little things!

She's planning on going to some high school party all super pregnant. ADAM (boyfriend) doesn't want her to go cuz he thinks she's going to pick up dudes. Believe it or not there are some guys that seem to gravitate towards preggo ladies. I've seen it with my own eyes.

Oh high school parties. She's having people feel her pregnant belly. Inappropriate! They are in some one's apartment. I bet it's some guy that never moved out of his little town and never stops hanging out with the high school kids. When you're in high school you think that person is cool. Then you grow up and realize that person was fucking creepy and sad.

She's crying at the high school party. Drama City. Adam left her...then came back a few minutes later. Her friends hate Adam. And now it seems we're in the midst of an Adam intervention.

Chelsea wants her unborn daughter to be a Daddy's girl. I wonder if she also wants her daughter to get pregnant while still in high school.

She's sitting on a giant ball at school since she can't fit in the desk. She loves all this absurd attention.

Baby is 5 weeks early. Shes tiny. She has an immature nervous system. So now this teen mom has to take care of a preemie. Great. She is pumping Adam's breasts. He's just chillin in the hospital room, shirtless.

Baby has to stay in the hospital to gain some weight. Chelsea was discharged. She got up early to go see her new kid. Adam is a bit tired so he's not getting out of bed. He won't answer the phone, he's sleeping. Way to pick a winner. You see? Teens can not make good decisions. Definitely not who will make a good father to your baby decisions.

Adam just compared a car he's working on to his child. Chelsea called the car stupid. He said, "I don't call her (their baby) stupid."

Adam drives a trans am or something equally ridiculous. It's covered in primer. And now she's breastfeeding for the first time and Adam is texting and asking Chelsea to go sit around at some place with a bunch of muscle cars...on the babies first night home. Winner winner chicken dinner.

Adam has been totally absent thus far. We're 3 weeks in.

5 weeks in baby Aubrey is sick. Adam is unreachable.
"Stop being dumb" Adam to Chelsea when she wonders if he's coming to the doctor's appointment.

"I want you to not be dumb." that's what Adam says he wants from Chelsea. AND it looks like Chelsea's friend is also a teen mom. PREGNANCY PACT! "I want you to stop being annoying." Another one of Adam's wants.
"Shut up and quit talking about this. My god." That's his response when she tells him she needs him around and to please get off of his cell.

Adam is now not answering Chelsea's texts. Chelsea still wants Adam. Her Dad told her to concentrate on her baby. "Oh, the baby that looks like him?"

God that pug is the cutest! Who needs a baby when you have a pug?

Adam is now sending her text telling her that she's a bad mom for going to the homecoming game. She skipped the dance, went to the game. Her dad babysat. He hasn't seen the baby for weeks, but she's a bad mom. He's a twat.

And here is a transcript of Adam's text to her:
"no i want u to feel like the most worthless stupid slut in teh world u better beleive its so over for the rest of ourlives ya fat stretch mark bitch tell me where and wen to sign the papers over for that mistake"

I feel bad for when this baby grows up and this is her dad. It's on TV for the world to know what her Dad thinks of her and her mother. PLEASE WEAR CONDOMS, KIDS!

PUG! Still being cute. It's the breakout star of this show.

Next weeks episode looks totally trashtastic.

9 comments:

Becky Jo said...

I don't know about South Dakota, but birth control is free in Iowa if you're broke enough (read: a stupid teenager with no money).... Oh ya, and condoms are cheap.. WAY CHEAP.

~T~ said...

Hey Rev. Awesome: unrelated but I noticed that it says on TLC tonight there is "Hoarding: Buried Alive" must be the competitor to A&E's Hoarders.

If you get to see it, enjoy!! :-)

Gary's third pottery blog said...

YES, get the pug instead, teenagers! I am NOT going to wonder about whether she pooped or not during birth...
the dude you mentioned, the one who is 22 and has an apartment and hangs out with high school kids? Man, you nailed it----the guy will have jug wine in the fridge that costs 3 bucks, Star Wars sheets on the unmade bed and only microwave popcorn in the kitchen. And, um, you don't EVER want to see that dude's bathroom...

Reverend Awesome said...

T,
Although it makes me feel like I'm cheating on Hoarders...I'm totally going to watch Hoarders: Buried Alive tonight! I'll feel guilty about it. I'm sure I will profess to the TV that this show will never replace Hoarders in my heart. Are you watching?

Gary,
I was upset that they didn't let us know if she pooped or not. And YES! That's the dude!

Becky,
I get the impression from the size of the house her dad had that money WAS NOT an issue. Stupid teens don't wear condoms.

~T~ said...

Yes, I will be watching. Given what we've expected on Hoaders, it will be hard for any program to live up to it, but we'll see!

~T~ said...

Ah - the trans am covered in primer screams a 'winner' to me.

carbon_13 said...

That kid Adam needs his ass kicked. I'm sure it's coming soon.

JenB37 said...

Thank you for the recap! I usually like to catch 16 and Pregnant to reaffirm that, while I was awful as a teenager, it could have been worse. Also to remind myself that even though I have awful teenagers of my own, it could be worse. I'm really surprised there isn't more teen pregnancy in South Dakota. I've been there, there's not a hell of a lot going on.

Reverend Awesome said...

Adam totally needs his ass kicked! According to the website the two of them are back together. Come on, teens.

Teens are always awful! That's just a given. It's out of the teens control. I know that. They just need to control the level of awful they allow themselves to be.

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