Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Random Sampling of Awesome: We're Still Awesome!

This will probably shock you, but I don’t think she knows what she’s talking about.

This is the email I got right before we left for lunch that made me want to kick a puppy.

Looks like someone loves us.

I feel like we need to write a few key steps to help people determine whether or not anyone else gives a snow penis if they’re heading anywhere.

Who is this “we” she speaks of? Is this some kind of schizo thing?

I swear if I hear her laugh before I leave for the dentist, I’m going to throw her phone at her.

They won’t even be mad that it’s not an actual slut. They will be mad that it’s such a disgusting gift.

I’m kind of afraid to eat them. I feel like they’re probably OK, but I also feel like that’s what people think right before they eat something that gives them chlamydia.

I feel like these people think they’re so fucking fancy.

It will be awkward tonight when she has to look at him and think about him being a ratard when they’re eating dinner.

The sun and her will keep their non-solution a secret.

People like having us around to help things seem professional.

I should have told the guy that i’m also known to frequent men’s locker rooms.

I hope that baby is ready to be a junior tranny.

I feel like this is Hooters if Hooters was too cheap to pay sluts to serve their food.

Oh I’m all the talk of the tampon machine.

Speaking of lesbians...

I think I heard his heart breaking on Monday morning when she stood up and her ass looked like all diapery.

Well look at that. I CAN vomit on an empty stomach.

WTF!?!?!?! That email demands I use that much punctuation. I’m sorry.

He does what he wants. It’s the way of the yuppy.

I never told him about unofficial 07!

I’m going to Canadianize this BS.

I’m sure she ate a bag of chips and forgot about me.

Even down to the shortness. They’re the same.

She is an asshole whose eye lids are falling off her face.


Becky Jo said...

Effing hysterical. I'm in Tuscarora with Marti Mae and we're laughing our butts off reading your awesomeness. Keep it up, sister.

Gary's third pottery blog said...


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