2 Years ago a free weekly publication asked me to write my Top 5 favorite things about Des Moines. Here it is...
(click to enlarge)
Then about a year after that they asked if I would do it again. Told me that I could do a Top 5 about whatever I wanted. WHATEVER I WANTED!!!
So, obviously, it’s about me and Heath.
Well it went unpublished. Is it because I made fun of one of our local paper’s other free publications? Because I professed our love for Pride parades?
Free weekly publications like wasting my time!
I guess it went unpublished until now. Here it is...
Top 5 Interesting and Awesome Facts about me and my friend Heath
1. We Heart Jeriann Ritter. We have an unyielding love for Jeriann
Ritter. I'm sorry Ed Wilson, but you don't hold a candle to our feisty
meteorologist. She is our Queen Bee. It doesn't even bother us that
much that an email to her went unanswered. She's a busy lady, busy
being awesome. We know she's having a baby and I would like to let her
know that Kasey is a wonderful name, works for a boy or girl.
2. We touch lives! We are constantly helping people improve
themselves. If we ask you to, "Get a hold of your life," "Take a long
hard look in the mirror," or ask, "Who you think you are?" it's like
code for, "Let's use this opportunity to reevaluate the direction
you're heading and make choices that will not only benefit you, but
also your family, friends and society as a whole." You'll thank us for
it later. Also, we live in Des Moines so that makes us highly
accessible for any local residents that want us to figure out their
lives for them. We find ourselves constantly saying, "Look at all the
good we do!"
3. Catch us. Seriously. Somehow we have eluded being caught looking
good by Des Moines Woman magazine. It's a miracle when you think of
all the times we have been out and about looking good. You'll never
catch us! OK, maybe if we spent more time in West Glen you MIGHT catch
us. Yes, we're throwing down the gauntlet. Try to catch us Des Moines
4. The Secret! We are really good at keeping secrets. I think we kept
a secret last month for something like 6 days. Tell us your secrets
Des Moines! We promise not to use them in any screenplays or as a
storyline in a book about Bird Flu and bed bugs. Unfortunately, we
can't promise to not use your secrets in the lyrics on any future
albums we may record or just flat out take credit for the secret
5. We love parades. Who doesn't love a parade? If you want to let
people know you're a homosexual, we're all for you marching your gay
ass down the street. If you want people to know you love America,
we'll show up for that one too. In fact, there are very few parades we
won't show up for. Here are a few: the North American Man/Boy Love
Association, Filth Bag Pride or anything that's scheduled when Gossip
Girl is on. Otherwise, we'll come and watch your parade and cheer all
the live long day. For best results, we highly recommend that you