Monday, September 21, 2009

Random Sampling of Awesome Redux

Random sentences from emails between my BFF Heath and I. We're great.

That’s hilarious and sad. I want to come listen!

I took a crap yesterday. That was for your birthday.

I’m flipping her off emotionally.

That’s it. I’m off to go delete some spreadsheets.

I’d hate for her to miss an opportunity to create extra work for herself and then tell the world about it.

I’m disgusted with myself that I haven’t let the internet know how sickening I find teens+tweens.

I CHOOSE ME!

I’m in evitation limbo.

Thank for the invite. I’m going to have to take a pass as I feel an evening of sitting around the apartment boozing coming on.
Blame gmail.

She can sure as shit roll her eyes though.

How do I say, “I know you’re two hours behind us and I don’t give a shit,” in a way that promotes tolerance and cooperation?

I think, “kiss my American ass” works well.

You think Kasey and I behave inappropriately, but we’re just products of our environment. We’re the nice kids!

You’re doing it with an alien, perverts of the world!

So I Googled that birthday card I told you about earlier and this is what comes up: Ebony and Ivory lesbians!

In her defense, it is possible that someone has hacked into her email account and is dicking around with me.

Side boob covered in polyester is what gets her zombie husband hot.

I know using the phrase “easier for us” is a gamble. It’s a chance I just had to take.

And I’m the asshole again…

I don’t think she’s used to people interacting with her and not wanting to do it with her.

I think the whole world should be like children’s soccer and no one loses, we all just get participation stickers.

New Moon is like crack for her, isn’t it?

I think he set a new record for grammar errors.

I thought if they were getting high and not realizing it, they must be using spray mount.

Bob is naked in Farmville!

2 comments:

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

.....side boob polyester......

Becky Jo said...

That's what I was thinking, G. I'm going to go buy some polyester right now. Thank you, Amazon.

I'm sorry, KB. New Moon is crack for me too... well, maybe not crack. Screwdriver?

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