Thursday, June 18, 2009

lil e and kc

Last night my friend Eva (lil e) and I went fabric shopping. She is going to sew my nieces some sundresses in exchange for a painting. It’s skill trading.

Prior to fabric shopping we decided to stop by Billy Joe’s for some drinks and appetizers.

Let’s all keep in mind that this was happening at 5:45 PM. I walk in and spot lil e through the darkness. There were about 15 people there at that time. Mostly in the 40-60 year old age range, clearly on the prowl. We became good friends with our waitress. She was cool as hell. We saw signs outside that said “Cougar Night” and we asked her when that was. She explained that basically we were at Cougar Night but they were doing away with it and she was happy about that. So me and lil e were at Cougar Night. Yay for us.

All the sudden a blind man walks in and he was heading up to the DJ booth. I exclaimed “oh my god the DJ is blind!” Lil e thought he was just walking up there on accident, nope. Not an accident but I think he was just a little bit blind because he could obviously see things. He had a walking stick thingy though. Whatever. Early bird karaoke night.

It was becoming obvious that we had to stay for more than 1 drink. This place was brimming with awesome. A lady in a sparkling, animal print shirt (reminded me of something Blanche from Golden Girls would wear) ordered a chardonney. Classy lady. And then in walked this lady. I saw her, e saw her and we were both immediately spellbound. She was a ginger with an afro. Fingers crossed she sings. We see her put in her name for karaoke. Dreams do come true. Very appropriately she started off the evening with a song from Annie.

I took notes on the evening but I left them at home.

A mother-daughter cougar combo were there when we arrived. They seemed pretty far gone and we soon noticed the daughter had 6 drinks sitting in front of her. Happy hour was about to end and I think she wanted to get the most for her money. Outside the mother pulled a cigarette butt out of an ashtray and asked for a light. That is absolute fact. Later in the evening daughter was feeling pretty frisky. By that I mean she was clearly in heat. An older (around 65-70 years old) gentleman had to push her off of him. She was grinding on someone’s grandpa! Then she moved on to every other man in the bar. They were all visibly horrified. They politely removed her hands from their thighs and chest.

Here’s how lil e billed the events of the evening: “I would say it’s like walking in on your dad jerking off. It’s uncomfortable.”

But the waitress was awesome and it was entertaining. We headed across the street to the fabric store. Picked out some AWESOME fabrics and then we just had to stop back at the bar for one more drink.

My review: Would definitely go again.


Eva M. said...

go again? you mean you just found your new favorite activity and can't wait for next wednesday's cougar night festivities! the sun'll come out tomorrow, but only if you get to bj's early bird, karaoke. just thinkin' about cyndy on the mic, and her bozo style afro gets me stooooooked. tooooomorrowww, i mean next wednesday, i love ya get the picture. it was unbelievably entertaining. i am, however, going to purchase some time of animal print so they don't catch on that we're just going to laugh at everyone constantly. although it's pretty apparent by my cackling through out the night! good times. you didn't even mention the 15 month old child events!

Eva M. said...

i meant type not time of animal print....i always forget to proof-read

Captain Awesome said...

That's exactly what I mean, lil e. I enjoyed TREMENDOUSLY when you spelled B-O-Z-O to me.

I got the picture. I have the moving pictures and I've watched it a few times. Ok a half a dozen.

I forgot to mention the baby! I forgot to mention soo much, I fear. Damn me and leaving my notes at home!

Becky Jo said...

Oh my. You two are a friggin' riot. Seriously? Afro? I wonder if younger guys are driving past Billy's shack and see the sign that says "Cougar Night" and they instantly think that they're gonna get lucky if they get picked up by an older chick.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about witnessing hoochie mama groping someone's grandpa. I might AVERT my gaze. Weirdness.

Captain Awesome said...

I have a picture of her but I didn't feel right posting it. It was a large fro-mop of hair.

I think the younger gentleman would go inside, see the cougar selection and promptly leave.

I think when you aren't there in the moment you think you would avert your eyes but when it's right there in front of you there is no looking away.

Eva M. said...

there's no looking away. i tried. but i couldn't. and then my eyes filled with tears of laughter....cause it's friggin hilarious.

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